


Escaping Helgen Alive

by ThroughtheMirrorDarkly



Series: Rewriting the Tapestry of Fate [1]
Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Anxiety, Canon-Typical Violence, Death, Depression, F/F, F/M, Gen, Loneliness, M/M, Modern Girl in Skyrim, Psychological Torture, Suicide Attempt, Torture, modern girl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2018-11-22 04:47:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11372877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThroughtheMirrorDarkly/pseuds/ThroughtheMirrorDarkly
Summary: Kaida Lee Harper was brought here to Tamriel from Earth for a reason, and not even death will allow her to escape it. Whatever power has a claim on her won't rest until she gets the story right, no matter how many times it kills her in the process.But to find the answers to her many questions and find a way to end her suffering, she must first escape Helgen alive.





	1. Not All Rabbit Holes Are Fun

CHAPTER ONE 

"Not All Rabbit Holes Are Fun"

* * *

_On Earth, life gives you lemons and the occasional flat tire. On Tamriel, life gives you lemons that can’t be peeled, evil warlocks, cackling witches, demented daedra, and two groups of idiots clashing in civil war. Not to mention, nature hates you and wants you dead. Treat everything and everyone with a healthy and respectful caution._ —Kaida’s Skyrim Survival Guide

* * *

_"Hey! Hey! Leave him alone!"_

_Panic. Blood curdling panic. Fists, hurt. Blood, so much blood. Too much blood. Guts, limbs, scattered everywhere…a maniacal laughter and then darkness._ A deep darkness like a restless slumber that could not be broken, or stirred from. Flashes of red, and gold flickered through the pitch black and heaviness settled upon on all of her limbs. _"Ah, Fate! What a curious thing fate is, isn't it? Almost as strange as this so called free will you little mortals are all about. Fate and free will go together like oil and water but are so often smashed like they PB and J! Ha, I bet you are wondering why an old Daedric Prince like me is monologue to ye, but don't think spim or spam of it. You likely won't remember. Ah, but where was I?"_

It was not a natural kind of sleep though this thought seemed a strange thought to think, but Kaida Lee Miller was far from normal according to most of her family. Decades they had been doctors, and while Kaida had worked her as off to become a nurse, it wasn’t her passion. She had preferred painting, free running and self-defense for personal reasons and an unusual number of other activities that had her dubbed as "strange" by her mother and father. She tried to recall bits and pieces of what had happened before she had fallen into the darkness, but it all felt so far away. She could not recall a thing. 

_"Yes, fate and free will. Free will is every creatures given right, or so you think. It's not that simple. The Forces of Fate cannot control what you do, but they can construct the world around you. Set up events, and predict what you are going to do. Most often they are right. But they won't expect you…a mere mortal from another world. You are the albatross, the Champion of Choice and Changer of Fate Itself. Or at least, you will be if you can make it that far. Either way, make it entertaining. Hate to have to kill you for putting on a bad show."_

Her brows furrowed, she could feel them furrow, but she could not shake the heaviness from her eyes and lift them up. There was a peculiar noise that reached her ears. Like a wheel rolling against cobblestone…like a carriage? Kaida couldn't be certain. She had only been in a horse drawn carriage once, and that was as a child at a zoo. But she knew it was not a car. A car's rubber wheels made a more smooth sound against the pavement, and she heard no car engine. Only the faint sound of hooves stomping on the ground, and a horse neighed confirming her suspicions. Why would she be in a carriage? It made no sense. Was it a dream? No, the wood seat beneath her was all too real as was the splintering pain throbbing through her skull. Her jaw worked as words flurried up her throat only to be caught on the tip of her tongue, lost before they could pass her lips. Her fingers twitched, and she tried to move her hands only to find them bound. 

Panic laced through her bloods as quick as white lightning, Kaida drew in a sharp shuddering breath. Memories of that dark, dank crypt from so long ago lashed through her. Her heart hammered against her ribcage and she drew every ounce of strength she could to force open her eyes. Sunlight, almost blinding bright hit her and she cringed twisting her head to the side. She saw trees all around her, and the blue sky that lied beyond. Her brows furrowed, and her cerulean blue eyes stared around completely flummoxed. "What the hell…?" Kaida sat up, and her jaw dropped. This…isn't happening. This is a dream, right? If it was it was the most _realistic_ dream that she had ever experienced. 

Across from her was a tall, stocky blond man with blond hair that hung down to his shoulders, a braid on the left side running down the side of his temple. He wore a dark chain mail with a tore blue tunic over it that looked as worn down as the man himself. He had a bruises and grim covering his face as if he had been through some kind of struggle. Ralof, she recognized him immediately and the building panic skyrocketed. Her gaze drifted off to her right and she saw the horse thief. He was a scraggily looking fellow, with pale skin in lanky form with a terrified look plaster to his face. Kaida pulled in a shaky breath that tore through her and immediately turned her head to the right. 

Ulfric Stormcloak was an intimidating man, even bound and with a gag wrapped around his mouth. With hazel eyes as sharp as a hungry wolf's, he analyzed everything around him. It was strange that even captured by his enemies, he held a dignified air about himself draped in his rich furs and self-assured confidence. He knew that he was on his way to his death, and he faced it without fear. _It was almost admirable if he wasn’t such a bigot asshole_ , Kaida thought. 

"You are finally awake, lass?" Ralof asked, his brown eyes filled with concern as they raked over her. Such a stranger lass in such strange clothing, he thought idly. He had never seen anything quite like her with her long copper hair that reached down her waist to her large doe eyes that were such a vivid shade of cobalt. Her skin was alabaster and unblemished like freshly fallen snow. She looked young, barely into adulthood. "Got caught trying to cross the border," Ralof said, sympathetically. "Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as us, and that thief over there." 

Kaida almost replied that she had most certainly had not been crossing some border. The last thing she recalled was heading to her art studio to paint and to relax, finally free from another stressful week of working. Well, at least for the weekend. Shaking her head, she tried to recall whether or not she made it to her studio. Her expression pinched, something had happened. Something very significant, but for the life of her she couldn't recall it. Did she perhaps slip in the snow? Hit her head? That could explain why she was having this realistic dream about Skyrim. A game she hadn't played in over a year, she thought swallowing a hysterically giggle that threatened to bubble up. It had been recommended to her by a fellow art student, said it would help with some stress. 

Kaida had fallen quickly in love with the game though she would deny it if asked. It had brought back memories of her childhood where she would run around all day and return home covered in mud after battling monster and dragons. Her mother despised that, but sometimes, Kaida remembered her father hiding a smile. Maybe that was just wishful thinking. 

"Damn you Stormcloaks," the thief spat, his beady eyes narrowed at Ralof. "Skryim was fine until you came along. Empire was nice and lazy. If they hadn't been looking for you, I would have stolen that horse and been half way to Hammerfall by now." 

Kaida would have rolled her eyes if her head didn't throb so bad. She released a long breath, and swallowed thickly. "Oh…this is so bad," Kaida croaked out, her voice rough and sounded foreign to her own ears. She looked down at her hands, and noted that they looked nice and normal. It might be nice to be a Khajit or Angorian for make belief's sake, but seeing her own normal hands gave her a small measure of comfort. 

"You there," the thief took her words to mean that she shared his feelings on the matter. "You and me, we don't belong here. The Imperials are after these Stormcloaks, not us." 

Kaida gave him a flat look. "Something tells me that the Empire isn't too choosey on who they send to the chopping block," she stated, dryly. She reached up to touch her throat, which was a bit awkward given how her hands were bound. Her throat ached and felt raw as if she had been screaming. Rubbing it lightly she thought a bit absentmindedly being thankful that this was just a dream. If not, she certainly would be in some hot water. She almost laughed imagining herself swing a sword. Sure she took up boxing to keep in shape, and she took Archery competitively in high school which was a two years ago. She knew how to make a campfire, and she knew a little bit about medicine thanks for her mother who had been an accomplished nurse. Did that make her someone capable of surviving in Skyrim realistically? Hell, no. She wasn't even going to lie. 

"That they are not," Ralof admitted, with a self-deprecating half smile on his face. "We are all brothers and sisters in binds now." 

"Silence," the Imperial soldier demanded, darkly. "One more utterance, and I will rattle your jaw." 

The conversation fell silent for a long moment, and Kaida drew in another breath. The air was cold, and crisp, and clean. She had never tasted air so fresh before. Kaida looked up at the crystal blue sky with a sense of awe because she did not think she had ever seen it look so clear. No pollution in the air. No toxins to build smog in the atmosphere. 

"What is wrong with him?" The thief nodded at Ulfric. 

"Watch your tongue," Ralof glowered, straightening his spine. "You're speaking to Ulfric Stormcloak, the true High King." 

The thief gaped for a long moment. "Ulfric? The Jarl of Windhelm? The leader of the rebellion?" the thief stuttered out, fear in his gaze. 

"Unless there is another Ulfric running around with another rebellion," Kaida stated, sarcastically. When she felt out of her depth, she turned to sarcasm. She liked to think it was one of her more endearing qualities, but she was the only who usually felt that way. Ralof let out a chuckle while the thief gave her glare to which she arched an eyebrow. 

"You don't get it, do you?" The thief spat. "If they've captured him then…oh, gods, where are they are taking us?" 

"I don't know where we are going," Ralof heaved a heavy sigh. "But I imagine Sovngarde awaits." 

"Helgen," Kaida suddenly said. 

"What?" The horse thief looked at her. 

"We are headed toward Helgen," Kaida stated. It was all a dream, so there was no harm in divulging that. She would probably wake up as soon as her head hit the chopping block, or when she died in some strange and stupid way. That's what usually happened with strange dreams, right? As interesting it was to have this dream, she really wanted to go home. There was a hollow ache in her arms that longed to hold her son. He had just turned one only a few short months ago, and he was growing so fast. It made her heart clench at the thought. 

"How would you even know?" The thief looked skeptically. "You've been out since before we got put in this god forsaken carriage." 

Kaida closed her eyes, and refrained pinching the bridge of her nose. She did not remember the thief being this annoying in the game. She looked to her left, and saw the walls of Helgen in the distance as the carriage rolled down the hill. She heard the thief muttering under his breath about this couldn't be happening, and she ran her hands curled into fists. Even though she was convinced this was some weird dream, or that she had fallen (if that was the case then she hoped someone found her and soon) conking her head, she could not stop the panic that was blossoming in her heart. It felt so real. It felt too real. 

It would be so easy to convince herself that this was real, but that would be impossible. Kaida shook her head, lightly. Ralof peered at her curiously. "What village are you from, lass?" He asked, and Kaida looked at him in surprise. 

"What? Why would you want to know that?" She blurted out, before she could help herself. 

"A Nord's last thoughts should be of home," Ralof said, simply. 

Kaida started at him a bit perplexed. After all, he was supposed to ask that to the horse thief, not her. "I doubt it's somewhere you've heard of," Kaida stated, avoiding it for obvious reason. 

"I am well-traveled despite what my humble appearance may suggest," Ralof stated, his eyes flickered towards the Helgen gates. "I would be surprised if I hadn't heard of it." 

"New Harmony. I'm from a town called New Harmony," she answered, quietly. Specific without being specific. 

"New Harmony?" Ralof mused, with a hint of surprise in his voice. He could not recall of hearing of such a place in Skyrim. He supposed she could be from somewhere other than Skyrim, but he had seen many maps, but none with a New Harmony on them. "No, can't say I ever heard of that." 

"That doesn't surprise me," Kaida chuckled, grimly. 

"General Tullius, sir, the headsman is waiting," a soldier shouted as they pulled through the gates. Fear shudder down her spine like icy fingers in a taunting caress, Kaida sat up slightly straighter and more rigid. She had dreams where she had died before, and even though they were just dreams, she didn't relish them in the slightest. 

"Good. Let's get this over with," General Tullius tone of voice was brusque, and harsh. 

"Shor, Mara, Dibella, Kynareth, Akotash. Divines, please help me," the thief whimpered, bent over with his hand clasped tightly together. 

Kaida watched as Ralof's upper lip curled back in a sneer as he caught sight of General Tullius talking to the Thalmor. "Look at him…General Tullius, the military governor and it looks like the Thalmor are with him. Damn elves…I bet they had something to do with this." 

Kaida glanced over Ralof's shoulder at made out General Tullius back and just beyond the General, she saw Elewen. A shiver ran down her spine for if there was anyone out of the game that had truly unnerved her it was that Thalmor elf. She glanced back at Ralof's face twisted in disdain. She could understand his lack of love for the Thalmor. They were shady, and underhanded with an ulterior motive that few chose to see. They were bigots of a different coin than the Stormcloaks. Where the Storm cloaks (for the most part) were racist against anyone who wasn't a Nord, the Thalmor chose to attack religion though Kaida didn't believe it was just because the religion differed from theirs. Kaida believed it was to diminish the power that Talos had over the people, to diminish the power it had to inspire hope and strength that Tiberius Septim's legend could inspire. 

The Thalmor did it so that they could have this war, brother raging against brother and when it came to pick up the pieces they would be there waiting. Not to mention it was clear that the elves believed themselves to be the superior race, and Kaida hardly cared for thinking like that. People who acted like always left a bad taste in her mouth. She had steered clear of the Civil War storyline in the game for neither side inspired her to join them, though she did feel marginally bad after finding out what the Thalmor did to Ulfric. It made sense that he would hate them for that, but that still did not excuse the way he treated all elves, Khajit and Argonians. The actions of few should not be held against the many. 

"You were right…this is Helgen," Ralof's face turned bittersweet. "I used to be sweet on a girl from here. Wonder if Vila is still making that mead with the juniper berries mixed in." He gave a self-deprecating smile. "Funny when I was a wee lad Imperial walls and towers used to make me feel safe." 

Kaida felt that she should offer so kind of words of comfort, but she couldn't find any. What words could she give a man who thought he was on his way to his death? Behind her back she could hear a young boy's voice, "Papa…who are they? Where are they taking them?" 

"Get inside," the father urged his son. 

"Why? I want to watch the soldiers," the little boy complained. 

"Inside the house. Now." The father left no room for argument. 

Kaida jolted when the carriage came to an abrupt halt. The unsettled feeling in the pit of her stomach grew two fold and her heart skipped a beat inside of her chest. 

"Why are we stopping?" The thief asked, fearfully. 

"Why do you think?" Kaida looked at him, flatly. "End of the line." 

The thief gulped. "No, no, no…" 

"Let's go…shouldn't keep the guards waiting, now should we?" Ralof said, with a humorless smile. 

"No! No! We aren't rebels!" The thief proclaimed loudly, but all ears of the Imperial were deaf to his claims. Ralof rose to his feet, and the thief rose to his trembling ones. Ulfric rose gracefully, but Kaida held tight for a split second. Her eyes narrowed, and lips tilted downward. This isn't right, she thought, a dizzy feeling swept over her and she rose to her feet slowly. They dropped out of the cart one by one, and Kaida flinched as her feet hit the ground. Her legs wobbled, and her knees threatened to buckle right out from underneath her. Her entire body from head to toe felt weak and lethargic as if she had been asleep for a very, very long time. 

She stumbled like a fowl walking for the first time when Ralof caught her with his hands and steadied her. "Whoa…easy there," he said, quietly. She looked up at him, and when he was this close she appreciated the lines of tension that crinkled around his eyes and mouth. He looked worried, and she supposed he had every right to be. After all, he truly believed this was the end of the line for him. 

"Thanks," she murmured, softly. 

"Step towards the block when your name is called," the Captain stated, her voice harsh and brusque. Her expression was cold and hard as she regarded them all as if they were something she had just scraped off the bottom of her shoe. 

"Empire love their damned lists," Ralof groused, underneath his breath. Kaida stayed silent, apprehension crept across her skin and seeds of doubt grew inside her mind. The wind brushed against her face, a chill on the end of it brought from the snowy mountains that stood like silent observers above. 

"Ulfric Stormcloak, Jarl of Windhelm," Hadvar said. 

Ulfric walked forward his head held high, and walked forward without a split second of hesitation. Ralof inclined his head, and spoke, "It has been an honor, Jarl Ulfric." 

"Ralof of Riverwood," Hadvar checked the next name of the list. Ralof only paused for a moment to give her a nod, before he followed Ulfric without a single glance back. "Lokir of Rokistead." 

Lokir trembled. "No! You don't understand! You can't do this!" The thief pleaded, desperately then he bolted forward. 

"Halt!" The Captain shouted as Lokir dashed past the guards running as fast as his legs could take him. "Archers," she barked out, roughly. 

Kaida felt the blood roar in her ears as she watched the guard notch an arrow and pull it back. The sound of the string creaking impossibly loud and then the arrow was released. It soared through the air and Kaida watched as it struck Lokir straight in his back. His body slammed to the ground with a sickening thud, and a scream of pain ripped through his lips as he thrashed on the ground. Her heart pounded in her chest as beads of sweat dotted around her forehead when a guard marched towards the horse thief weapon drawn. She watched the blade glint in the sunlight as the guard raised it over Lokir's neck ignoring his guttural pleas, but Hadvar stepped in her gaze. All she heard was the sound of metal biting into flesh and one last gurgled breath. 

Kaida stood there, her stomach turned violently. Bile was bitter on the back of her tongue, and she shuddered from her head to her toes. Her knees knocked together and tears welled up in her eyes. Her heart squeezed tight in her chest with panic, and she made a noise torn between a scream and sob. 

"You there…who are you?" Hadvar asked, a look of shock on his face. There was no mention of another prisoner on the list at all. 

Kaida's eyes snapped towards him, incredulity spread across her face. "What?" She gasped out, her voice raw with emotions. She had just seen someone die, and suddenly it didn't feel like a dream anymore. It felt like a nightmare. 

"Who are you?" The Captain snapped. 

Anger rushed through her, boiling and white hot. She gritted her teeth together and glared at the woman. Her lips were sealed tight together, and she absolutely refused to answer the woman. The Captain narrowed her eyes and stepped forward when Hadvar intervened. "Captain, there are no other names on the list," he stated, uncertainty. 

The Captain tossed Kaida a cold look. "It matters not. All we go to the chopping block, name on the list or not," the Captain stated, stiffly and then turned her back on Kaida. 

Hadvar gave her a sympathetic look. "That way, prisoner," he stated, softly. 

Kaida stood there froze until Hadvar shoved her forward. Her feet moved on autopilot towards the chopping block. Guards stood in a line, all of them eyeing the prisoners warily while the excitation stood there with the large axe in hand. There was still dried blood caked on it. It's a dream. I'll wake up soon, she swallowed back down the bile violently. Her head throbbed painfully, as if fiery hot nails were being raked across her brain. 

"Ulfric Stormcloak," General Tullius was older man with a dusty of grey in his brown hair, and lines upon his face. His brown eyes drilled straight into Ulfric's filled with a grim satisfaction. "Some here in Helgen consider you to be a hero. You are no hero. A hero does use the power of the Voice to murder his king and usurp his throne." 

Ulfric gave a muffled growl in response. 

"You started this war, plunged Skyrim into this chaos, and now the Empire is going to put you down, and restore the peace," Tullius stated, strongly. His every word held conviction, and he did not blink when Ulfric glowered at him darkly. 

Then it happened. A noise from above. An echo of a sound that could not be discerned with the ear alone, but Kaida felt a cold stone settled in the pit of her stomach. She knew what was going to happen to these people. She knew what that sound was, and even if it was just a dream, a terrible guilt gnawed at her. 

“What was that?” The Imperial Captain asked, frowning. 

“It’s nothing,” Tullius dismissed it, and turned his back on Ulfric. “Carry on,” he ordered those under his command, sharply. 

“Yes, General,” the Imperial Captain said, with a nod. The Captain turned her gaze to the priestess and stated, shortly, “Give them their last rites, even if they be undeserving of it.” 

“As we commend your souls to Aetherius, blessings of the Eight Divines upon you, for you are the salt and earth of Nirn, our beloved…” The priestess began, with her hands raised. However, she did not get to finish her sermon for a Stormcloak soldier stepped forward and rudely cut her off. 

“For the love of Talos, let’s just get this over with,” the Stormcloak spat, and marched past the priestess without another word. 

The priestess gave him cold glance. “As you wish.” 

As the Stormcloak drew up to the chopping block a roar like thunder rippled through the sky above and everyone except her looked up. Kaida drew in a sharp breath because she knew what was coming, and she had no desire to see the dragon in all it’s glory if her dream even lasted that long. 

Kaida's stomach twisted in knots as the Imperial Captain shoved the man down on the chopping block and placed her heel on his back so he could not move. "My ancestors are smiling at me," he gave one last sneer as the executioner moved forward. "Can you say the same?" 

The executioner gave no reply. He just raised his blade, and brought it down with a grunt. It sliced clean through the man's neck, and his head rolled off the block straight into the basket. 

"You Imperial bastards!" 

"Justice!" 

"Death to the Stormcloaks!" 

Shouts came from all around, and Kaida felt a bead of sweat roll down her right temple as her wide eyes stared down at the chopping block. Blood ran down the chopping block, so much blood. A queasy sick feeling swept over her and she stumbled back, her heart hammering in her chest like a jack hammer. I'm going to be sick, Kaida thought, dizzily. Now would be a great time to wake up. 

"Next," the Imperial pointed straight at Kaida. 

Kaida felt her heart jolt inside her chest, then suddenly the roar from above happened again. It seemed to echo off the very sky itself and the earth beneath her feet gave a light tremble. 

"There it is again," Hadvar stated, brow pinched. He glanced at the Imperial Captain, and hand on his sword. "Didn't you hear it?" 

The Imperial was silent, but only for a moment. She shook her head and tossed Kaida a disgusted look. "I said next prisoner," she stated, sternly. 

Hadvar sighed, then looked at Kaida. "To the block, prisoner. Nice and easy," he stated, his voice a lot kinder than that of the Captain's. 

Kaida gulped, and took shaky steps forward. What else could she do? If she tried to run, she'd ended up like Lokir did. Skewed on the end of an arrow. Her head was bowed, and she nearly collapsed when she had to step over the Stormcloak man's body. Her entire body trembled from head to toe as she was forced to kneel down in the pool of blood. It was warm and wet against her skin, like the tears that trembled down her cheeks before she couldn't help it. "God, please let me wake up now," she sucked in a deep breath of air before the Imperial Captain slammed her foot down on Kaida's back knocking it all out. Her cheek was pressed against the wet stone. Her gaze was forced towards the executioner who lumbered forward. 

That’s when an ear piercing roar split the sky, and a great shadow fell upon Helgen. There were shouts that came from all around her as the ground trembled, and she glanced upward to see Alduin for a split second before her world was encased by flames. She couldn’t even scream, the white hot air burning in the insides of her lungs and even though it was only seconds, her death seemed to last eternity. She prayed for it to end when… 

"You there…who are you?" Hadvar asked, a look of shock on his face. There was no mention of another prisoner on the list at all. 

Kaida's eyes snapped towards him, horror and shock rippled through her. "What?" She croaked, her voice raw with pain and tears welled up in the corner of her eye. She had _died_. She had died in the flames, she could still feel them lick upon her skin. She remembered it with painful clarity, and she was supposed to wake up after dying. That’s how dreams were supposed to work. Why didn’t she wake up? 

"Who are you?" The Captain snapped. 

A numbness spread out from her heart to the rest of her body, and she looked at Hadvar with a dreadful epiphany rang through her mind. “Screwed…” she said, faintly. “I am so screwed.” 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My niece and I were playing Skyrim, and we had a long conversation about how bad it would suck if you had to restart over from the last “save” after you died each time, like in the game, but in reality. Of course we agreed that the daedric prince of madness had to be involved because that scenario sounds like something only he would do, and really, just for the hell of it. So I actually started writing on it about two years ago, but this is a story fell on the backburner for a long time because I just lost interest in Skyrim, and couldn’t imagine doing an extremely long fanfic for it. So when I found AO3 I realized that I could break it down into smaller stories and put in a series was nice. So I got myself back into it, and told myself I wouldn’t start posting the each story until it was done because I have other not completed stories, and I didn’t want to have another one on my hands struggling to get updates out.


	2. Rinse and R-R-Repeat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank the four guests for the kudos! :D

CHAPTER TWO 

“Rinse and R-R-Repeat” 

* * *

_To be able to do something over, to retrace your steps and fix things sounds wonderful. Getting stabbed to death several times, however, is painful, and sucks big sweaty donkey balls each time it happens. If you are going to get stabbed to death, try and make it a onetime thing._ \--Kaida’s Skyrim Survival Guide

* * *

There was roar in her ears as Kaida stood once again in front of Hadvar, and the Imperial Captain. Her fifth and latest death left her shaken and she felt as if all her emotions had been brutally scraped out of her. There were no words to describe being trapped underneath a wall, with her insides becoming outsides felt like. It was agonizingly slow, and the worst kind of death. A soldier that had passed by had ended her suffering with a blade straight into her skull, but it did stop the death from being engraved into her mind. It would undoubtedly star in many nightmares to come, as would the two times she had been burn alive. The first death, she hadn’t gotten far. The second one, she managed to survive three minutes before fiery hell rained down on her and she had been dead in seconds. She was mildly grateful for that because she did not want to be stuck with the name “I’m So Screwed”. That just spelled all kinds of trouble, even if it did tickle her funny bone despite the mind numbing and terrifying experience she was going through. 

The fourth death had been at the hands of an Imperial who had gone mad in the chaos and was attacking friend and foe alike. He had attempted to decapitate her, and failed. 

Needless to say, she knew what Nearly Headless Nick from the Harry Potter books felt like. That was a rather gruesome way to go, and her deaths kept piling up. And each time she died, she would end up back at the start. Her bound hands shook as she faintly heard Lokir’s death happen once again. The anger and disgust and fear that she felt in the beginning had dulled into a bitter resigned feeling that ached deep within her chest cavity. A feeling of pure helplessness, and she just stood there with a hollowed expression on her face. 

>"You there…who are you?" Hadvar asked, a look of shock on his face. There was no mention of another prisoner on the list at all. 

Kaida's eyes flickered towards him, her face a completely blank slate which was a contrast to the tempest that raged inside of her. Her lips quivered slightly, a name forming on them, but her voice failed her. 

"Who are you?" The Captain snapped. 

And suddenly the reply came to her. “Death.” 

“What?” Hadvar vocalized his shock while the Captain gave her a shocked sneer. 

“I am Death, destroyer of worlds,” Kaida said, with a saccharine smile that stretched across her lips. _More like death warmed the fuck over,_ she thought inside of her mind barely able to bite back the wave of hysterical laughter that blossomed up inside of her chest. This is what insanity was, right? To repeat the same action over and over and expecting a different result? If the situation would not change then she had to change, yes? She didn’t know anymore. Her head ached, her heart felt broken, and all she wanted to do was end this nightmare. 

"Captain, there are no other names on the list," he stated, hesitantly. 

The Captain tossed Kaida a cold look. "It matters not. All we go to the chopping block, name on the list or not," the Captain stated, stiffly. “And _Death_ will no doubt find the executions block a place like home, no?” 

Kaida gave no reply to the scathing retort, expect her smile that widened just a margin. She trotted over to where the other prisoners had been lined up without a fight, and a strange sensation prickled across her from head to toe. _If the situation_ will _not change,_ she thought, the epiphany striking her straight into the heart. _Then I have to be the one to adapt. I’ve been running around like a chicken with my head cut-off. I’ve been just afraid. I need to be more than just afraid._

The silent conviction settled deep into her bones, renewing some vital within her soul and Kaida felt herself stand a little taller. Her heart had slowed into a sharp, and steady rhythm inside of her chest as she glanced at the guards that all stood in a line. They eyed the prisoners warily and the prisoner in return gave them dark glares. The executioner stood there with the large axe in hand. There was still dried blood caked on it. _This isn’t a dream. I'm not going to wake up soon_ , she swallowed down the knot in her throat. The acute pain that throbbed at the base of her skull gave her something to focus on. Helped her reminder her that all that was around her was real. _I can be afraid. It’s alright to be afraid, but I have to survive. I can’t die again here. I can’t keep reliving this moment. I have to break the cycle now._

"Ulfric Stormcloak," General Tullius was older man with a dusty of grey in his brown hair, and lines upon his face. His brown eyes drilled straight into Ulfric's filled with a grim satisfaction. "Some here in Helgen consider you to be a hero. You are no hero. A hero does use the power of the Voice to murder his king and usurp—” 

"Oh, dear God," Kaida wasn't trying to be rude, but this was her sixth time hearing this. She had played the game quite a lot, and his speech a bit too repetitive and quite frankly annoying at this point. Why did people make such longwinded speeches? Why is the world of Tamriel filled with such blowhards? There is a time for beating around the bush, and time to get to the point. Apparently a concept that people in Skyrim did not understand. _Well, mouthing off and interrupting Tuilius’s speech is certainly a break in the cycle. Way to go, Kaida. Let’s hope this doesn’t put you up first for the block._

"You have something to say, prisoner?" The Imperial Captain snapped, and took a threatening step forward. 

"Yeah, actually, I do. Here you are waxing poetically about your defeat of Ulfric when you should be more worried about the dragon that is about to burn Helgen to ashes." Her sarcastic side had come out to play, and she gave the General a frankly unimpressed look. Her lips thinned out, and she looked around at all the blank stares she received. Perhaps bluntness wasn't the best way to approach, but she wouldn't feel right not giving them some kind of warning. Even if they didn’t believe her, even if they laughed in her face, she could find solace in the fact that she tried. 

Silence reigned for more than few moment before General Tullius turned towards her slowly, and his face sagged with shock. "Excuse me?" He asked, his raspy like he had a cold or had been shouting recently. She was betting it was the shouting. 

Kaida sighed. Well, it was too late to go back now. "The dragon. You should be worried about the dragon," Kaida stated, rolling the tension out of her shoulders. Anxiety crawled through her mind like ants across a piece of candy dropped on the side walk, and the sensation seemed to slowly extend out to all of her limbs until she shifted uncomfortably on the heels of her feet. The faint beat of adrenaline in her eardrums, and she stared straight into General Tullius's face. "Ulfric isn't really you're biggest priority right now." 

"Dragons are a myth," the Imperial Captain snapped. 

Kaida barely glanced her way. "You believe that then you're dead. A lot of people will be because it's on its way here and you are too busy with this war you don't realize that the sky is going to fall in on you," Kaida stated, a little more calmly than she felt. Inside she was a ball of anxiousness not having any idea what this would do. So when in doubt keeping talking until she put her foot in her mouth, like she usually did. "But carry on," Kaida said, waving her hand as if she were some dignitary bestowing some great reward upon them. "In a few minutes, you'll be forced to believe anyways," she added, underneath her breath. "Or burn." 

"And who is this?" General Tullius eyed her like he was ready to her to be insane. "Your court jester?" He shot Ulfric a glance, his lips twitched upward as if he were witty. Some scattered laughter came from all around (from the Imperial side) while Ulfric stared stonily at Tullius, not in the least bit amused. 

"For the love of Talos, let's get this over with!" One Stormcloak had finally had enough and marched his way over to the chopping block. When the priestess tried to give her sermon, the man looked up from where he knelt and glowered at the priestess. "Woman, save your hollow words for an Imperial who will believe them. I know my ancestor smile down upon me on this day, but none of you will ever be able to say the same!" 

"Very well," the priestess said, tersely and stepped back away from the chopping block as the Imperial Captain shoved the Stormcloak forward. 

Suddenly a noise tore through the air. A strange roar like thunder rippled through the sky above and everyone looked up except Kaida. She knew what was up there, and had no need to see the scaly flying beast that she would come face to face with if the dream lasted that long. 

"What was that?" Hadvar asked, frowning. 

Kaida gave a slight smile, and shook her head. When the noise faded, and after a moment, of stillness, everyone proceeded onward, but the tension in the air was pulled tight. "It's nothing," Tullius stated, though there was a note in his voice. A slight hesitation that gave away that he did not truly believe it was nothing, but he wished to get the execution done swiftly. Perhaps her words weren’t as lost on everyone as she had thought. "Carry on." 

Kaida's stomach twisted in knots as the Imperial Captain shoved the man down on the chopping block and placed her heel on his back so he could not move. He gave the Imperials one last sneer as the executioner moved forward. 

The executioner just raised his blade, and brought it down with a grunt. It sliced clean through the man's neck, and his head rolled off the block straight into the basket. 

"You Imperial bastards!" 

"Justice!" 

"Death to the Stormcloaks!" 

The same old shouts came from all around, and Kaida felt perspiration break out along her forehead. A lone bead of sweat rolled down the bridge of her nose, until it clung to the side of her left nostril. Her eyes were riveted to the bright red blood—too bright, too red—that covered ran down the sides of the chopping block. She knew what was to come, and no matter how many times she had endured this, it did not get any easier. Many of her emotions may be numbed, but the fear? The fear was still as sharp and painfully as ever. Her heart hammered in her chest like a jack hammer, and it by sheer force of will that her legs didn’t give out from underneath her. 

"Next," the Imperial pointed straight at Kaida. 

Kaida nodded, absentmindedly. She took a step forward when the roar from above happened again. It seemed to echo off the very sky itself and the earth beneath her feet gave a light tremble. 

"There it is again," Hadvar stated, brow pinched. He glanced at the Imperial Captain, and hand on his sword. "Didn't you hear it?" 

The Imperial was silent, but only for a moment. She shook her head and tossed Kaida a disgusted look. "I said next prisoner," she stated, sternly. 

Hadvar sighed, then looked at Kaida. "To the block, prisoner. Nice and easy," he stated, his voice a lot kinder than that of the Captain's. 

Kaida gulped, and took shaky steps forward. Her mind raced a mile a minute and the muscles in her body quivered. Tense. Taunt. Ready for a fight, and her entire body was still as if carved from stone as she was forced to kneel down in the pool of blood. It was warm and wet against her knees, making her stomach kick unpleasantly. "God, let me get through this," she sucked in a deep breath of air before the she lowered herself against the chopping block. Her cheek was pressed against the wet stone. The blood smeared against her pale skin, feeling like a white hot brand. Her gaze was forced towards the executioner who lumbered forward. 

_Buhh-rump. Buhhh-rump. Buhh-rump. Buhh-rump._ Her heart pounded in her chest like the steady rhythm of a beating drum and a primal feeling rose inside her chest. One that she could not for the life of her, she couldn't figure out what this feeling meant, but for a moment, she felt strong. The air coiled and thickened and her muscles winded tight together in anticipation. Her brows drew together, and she heard the executioner draw up his axe when the earth quake violently. And that’s when she saw him in the distance. 

Alduin. His obsidian scales glistened off the sunlight like liquid ebony and he cut through the sky with a grace that only dragons could possess. A roar ripped through the air, louder and more powerful than before. 

"What in Oblivion is that?" Tullius roared. 

It was the only warning anyone had before he landed on the tower above, and the earth trembled with a powerful quake. "Dragon!" Someone shouted, but Kaida didn’t see who. Her eyes were pinned on Alduin. He was terrifying as he was majestic, a perfect predator of the skies and his red eyes seemed to stare straight into her soul. He was a sight to behold, even though it struck such a powerful fear within her that it left her rooted to the spot. She had never appreciated how gigantic the Dragons were until she was practically face to face with one. His massive wingspan, pitch black leathery wings stretched out, seemed to blot out the very sun itself. 

And the teeth! Two rows of impossibly sharp blood stained teeth that could easily tear through flesh and crush bones. The executioner whirled around, and held up the blade in an attempt to defend himself when Alduin roared. The force behind it sent all of them to the ground, and Kaida felt her back impact against the cobblestone with enough force that she felt something in her side crack. The shout trembled through her, and she could feel the power from it move through her blood like a quickening. It was such a peculiar feeling that washed over as if the shout had recognized something within her on a molecular level that she could not even begin to understand. 

"Don't stand there! Kill it!" 

"By Ysmir, nothing can kill it!" 

Head throbbing, her eyes up at the sky and she watched as unnatural storm clouds swirled from above and stole the daylight. The world around them was cast in a dark kind of twilight and instantly everything fell into chaos. And somehow amidst all that chaos, she rolled to her feet, and stumbled to a stand. Her gaze was drawn to Alduin like moth to a flame, and she stared at the massive predator through her lashes. "Alduin," she spoke his name, and despite the chaos all around her she knew he had heard. His eyes were locked onto hers, and there was a strange sort of acknowledgement that passed between them, the Lord of the Dragons acknowledging the threat of the Last Dragonborn and vice versa. Kaida inclined her head at him, before she started to back pedaled. She refused to die here again, and especially not by doing something as stupid as tangoing with Alduin with her hands bound. She bent her knees, and kept her head down as the smoke filled the air. Beads of sweat rolled down her face as she tried to figure out which way to go, her heart racing in her chest as her eyes flickered from person to person watching each one get knocked down every passing second. 

It was like fire and brimstone that fell from down sky, and crashed to the ground like thunder. Kaida felt the earth tremble beneath her feet, and it was hard pressed to keep her balance, more so with her hands bond. Her eyes stung with tears from the smoke that was white hot, and blocked her vision. "This way!" A hand grabbed her arm. "The gods will not give us another chance! To your feet!" 

Her head snapped to the right, and she gaped. "Ralof?" She asked, surprised. The blond man nodded, and pulled her towards the tower. Stumbling over her feet, they rushed through the threshold and two Stormcloak soldiers slammed the door shut behind them. When they went to bar it, and Ralof just gave them a scathingly look. "You really think that'll keep out a dragon?" Ralof asked, heatedly then he froze as if he had just realized what he had just said. "By Talos, is that truly a dragon? Can the legends be true?" 

"Legends don't burn down villages," Ulfric said, his voice was like thunder. It rumbled with authority as his eyes looked around the room with a hawk like intensity. Kaida felt her spine stiffen when Ulfric looked at her, and she could see the cogs twisting behind his gaze as he considered her. It did not take a genius to construe what was rushing through his mind, and she frowned deeply. She looked towards the wounded who lied heaving on the ground. The metallic smell of blood coated the air as strongly as fire and smoke. Her chest rose and fell with sharp breaths before she made her way towards them. 

"I'm not a doc…healer, not professionally," Kaida offered, staring down the wounded soldiers with compassion written in her gaze. She may not believe in their cause, but that did not mean she liked seeing people suffer. "But I do know medicine, perhaps I can…" 

One Stormcloak just shook his head at her, his expression sad. "There is nothing that can be done for them now," the soldier told her, quietly. "They make for Sovngarde. May the Hall of Valor await you, dear friend." 

Kaida stood there for a moment, her face twisted in indecision. "We can't stay here," she spoke, quietly. The chaos outside deafened only slightly by the thick stone walls. "We need to move, now," she urged, twisting towards Ulfric and Ralof. 

"The only way is up," Ralof nodded at the stairs. 

"I will take my chances out there with the dragon than go with _her_!" One Stormcloak stood to his feet, and glare at Kaida who just took a step back in surprise. 

"That is enough," Ralof stepped towards her. "We have not the time for petty arguments—" 

"Petty? She knew it was coming!" The Stormcloak pointed an accusing finger in her direction. "She knew the dragon was coming! She called it!” 

"I did not!" Kaida glowered, shocked by the accusation. "I warned you! I warned you, and you did not listen." She snapped back, not one to take an accusation like that lightly especially when her fate seemed to be up in the air. She saw the distrust on each of their faces, and just shook her head. "You know what? Go die for all I care! I tried, and that is all I could do! I don't even know why I bothered," she hissed out, her hands clenched at her sides while she resisted the urge to go punch the man right in his face. 

The Stormcloak stepped forward with a growl, but Ulfric stopped him with a sharp wave of his hand. "Enough. Ralof is right," Ulfric intoned, darkly. "We have not the time to quarrel over this now, not with a dragon breathing down our neck. As for the woman…" He turned towards her, and Kaida felt the hair rise on the back of her neck. It was like a cat that spotted the canary, and Kaida did not like it one bit. "We will figure out what the woman knows later." 

_And didn't that sound pleasant? How about not,_ Kaida made a note to stay away from Ulfric even if it meant parting ways with Ralof who had been so far the only one she had come to remotely like. She wasn't going to place her trust, not into Ulfric's hands. Especially not when she was remarkably vulnerable now and it appeared that she had knowledge that could be misconstrued as premonitions. Kaida watched them rush up the stairs before she followed them silently wondering how going higher would get them out of here. Suddenly she remembered something and she sprinted up the steps. "Wait!" Kaida grabbed Ulfric and Ralof both by the collar and pulled them back with a surprising strength. 

"Lass, what are you—" Ralof started, when the wall came crashing in. Ralof pulled back, and the three sought shelter behind a chunk of stone that had crashing in when the dragon roared. 

_"TOOR SHUL!"_ The dragon spat fire at the poor Stormcloak soldier that had been a few paces ahead. The smell of burning flesh seared through the air and Kaida choked on her vomit and turned her face as she knelt by the wall to spit it out. Her body shook from her head to her toes, and she felt sick. So sick that it seemed to reach deep down in soul and she tried to not breathe in. The soldier fell from the steps down to the ground below. 

The fire ceased and the dragon swept upward in search of another target. None of them moved, not until they were sure Alduin had left. "Another thing you had knowledge of?" Ulfric turned his eyes towards Kaida's pale face. Kaida didn't not answer, just gave him a dark look before she brushed past both of them and up the stairs. She came to a halt right at the edge of the tower, and looked down at the inn. It looked impossibly far away. How was she ever supposed to make that jump? 

"We will have to jump through the roof to keep going," Ralof stated, once he reached her side. "You first, lass. That roof won't hold up forever, but it is your best way out." 

"I was afraid you were going to say that," Kaida said, a slight quiver in her voice. "Why if I can't make it?" She looked at Ralof. 

Ralof stared down at her with a somber kind of wisdom. "Jump like you can," he told her, simply. 

"Oh…kay," Kaida said, not certain that actually helped at all. She swallowed thickly and took several steps back staring at the jump before her. Her heart swirled with trepidation, and she clenched her eyes closed tightly. 

Then she ran forward as fast as she could. She threw her entire body into the jump, and she felt the hot air rush past her with the sound of train. She didn't open her eyes. She was too afraid to. She didn't want to see if she made it. She didn't want to see if she didn't. She didn't open her eyes until her feet hit the ground, and when she rolled, she rolled right through a hole in the ceiling and fell straight down to the floor below. Her body withered as a white hot like liquid lightning shot through her shoulder blade down to her finger tips when something popped loudly. A scream tore through her lips before she could help it, and tears blurred her vision. 

For several seconds, she gasped for air looking like a dying fish left on the bank before she managed to get a breath into her lungs. "Ah…ah…ah…" It was a battle to get over onto her knees, and from there it was almost impossible to stand. But she felt the fire closing in and the ominous creaking of the wood from above. She had to move, the thought rushed through her mind and she moved as fast as she could. She forced the pain away, solely focusing on the exit and as soon as she stepped out into the chaos that the building collapsed behind her. 

A hot rush of embers hit her back, and her hair whipped around wildly. She narrowed her eyes, and looked back towards the tower. She did not see Ralof or Ulfric, and knew they must have chosen a different way out. She wasn't entirely surprised. Drawing a deep breath, she hissed as she moved her right arm. A burning, tingling pain came down from her shoulder blade all the way to her fingers tips. Her shoulder out of its socket, and she gritted her teeth together as she moved forward. Dead bodies scattered the ground, some of the burnt beyond recognition; most dead, others withering in pain. 

Kaida tried not to focus on them as she stumbled over them. She focused on the clear path in front of her, and saw two Imperials with their swords drawn. Hadvar. She recognized him as he shouted to a child. "Hamming, over here! Now!" Hadvar shouted at the young boy. The boy's face trembled, tears streaking down his face as he rushed over to the Imperial's side. "Easy, boy, easy," Hadvar said, quietly. 

Kaida stumbled over towards them, not sure what her reception would be then Alduin swept down and landed in front of them. "Get back!" Kaida shouted, and Hadvar's head snapped towards her for a split second before he scooped the child up into his arms and they fell back. Dragon's fire brushed past them, and they hid behind a building. Kaida darted over towards them, adrenaline pounding in her blood. 

"Still alive, prisoner?" Hadvar said, his brows pinched ever so slightly. "If you want to stay that way, then you need to stay with me. Understood?" Kaida just looked at him, swallowing thickly though she gave no reply. "Gunnar, take Hamming and get to safety." 

"What of you?" Gunnar asked. 

"I make to recon with General Tullius and take up defense," Hadvar told him, sharply. "Now, go! Go!" 

"Gods guide you, Hadvar." 

Kaida hesitated, she had no desire to see General Tullius anymore than she did Ulfric right now. She knew that whichever path she chose that she would not see them, or at least, that's what happened in the game. But this wasn't a game anymore now, was it? Her lips twisted downward as she stumbled after Hadvar, her lungs hard pressed for air in the hot toxic smoke. 

They rounded a corner, and a large shadow swooped overhead. "Stay close to the wall!" Hadvar nudged her back against the stone wall and she felt the impact of Alduin landing on the top of it through every bone in her body. Her eyes widened as she took in the leathery wing just inches from her face and held her breath. _"TOOR SHUL!"_ The dragon unleashed his voice and spread the fire down on Helgen. 

Kaida trembled as she watched buildings fall and people die right before her eyes. The smell of ashes and burnt flesh would not be one so easily forgotten. The noise was deafening, beating incessantly against her ear drums and she could barely make out Hadvar telling her to stay put. Her eyes were on Alduin in horror and awe as she watched him shove with all his might off of the wall and took to the sky once more. "Come on, hurry!" Hadvar shouted, loudly. Kaida followed him through the decimated ruins of a house before they came out on the main roadway in Helgen where a row archers stood firing arrows up at the flying beast. 

"It's you and me, prisoner! Stay close!" Hadvar ordered, rushing past them. He had seen that the majority of soldiers were either dead, or fleeing. Only the brave or stupid remained. 

_The keep_ , Kaida remembered. They were heading towards the keep. It was the only building relatively intact with its large stone walls and Kaida picked up the pace, ignoring the pain blossoming in her shoulder. 

"Ralof! You damned traitor!" Hadvar came to a sudden halt, his sword drawn out in front of him as if he had half the mind to run the blond stormcloak right through. 

Ralof paused to give him a sneer. "We're escaping, Hadvar! You will not stop us," the blond Nord stated, his axe raised ready to defend himself. 

"Fine," Hadvar spat. "I hope that dragon takes you all to Sovngarde!" 

Kaida looked between both of them with wide eyes, and indecision swelled up inside of her. Fear prickled at her scalp as she regarded them both, not knowing which one she would follow. Her palms were slick with sweat and her heart seemed to well up inside of her with so much fear and so much uncertainty. 

"You!" Ralof saw her, and she swore she saw a measure of relief in his eyes at seeing her. "Come on! Into the keep!" 

"With me, prisoner! Let's go!" Hadvar shouted. 

Both men rushed off without looking back to see if she was following them, and Kaida stood there for a long moment her heart pounding her chest. Her mind was locked in some kind of battle of wills, trying to decipher with path would be the safest. When a shadow from above fell over her, her mind went blank with wild panic and she let her feet do the thinking for her. She slammed through the Keep doors and Ralof slammed it shut behind her. 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED THE CHAPTER! Bet you didn't expect that kind of ending did you? I have almost always followed Hadvar in the beginning of the games. I got so confused with the whole running around that I always followed him, but wanted to branch out and do something different and follow Ralof. I’m actually playing the game as I go along with writing to keep all dialogue, and events as true as possible with the deviations here and there cuz hello, it’s a fanfiction. You’d be bored if I spat the game back at you with no surprises. Hope you enjoy.   
> “Now I have become Death, destroyer of worlds” is from the Bhagavad Gita which is a 700-verse Hindu scripture in Sanskrit that is part of the Hindu epic Mahabharata. Gandhi referred to the Gita as his “spiritual dictionary”.


	3. Into the Fortress Deep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank, Professionalatfangirling, GirAwesome43, Dyranna, for the bookmarks!  
> I want to thank Professionalatfangirling, Abrinei, and GirAwesome43 and the 7 guests who left kudos!  
> I want to thank, thegirlwhoreads, for commenting!
> 
> I apologize for the last update on this. I originally had all of this story done, but lost it due to my hard drive crashing. It was hard for me to rewrite it, and I’m not a hundred percent satisfied, so I may come back and edit it later. I hope that you all enjoy.

CHAPTER THREE 

“Into the Fortress Deep”

* * *

_Bears are big, and want to eat you. Wolves are big, and want to eat you. Dragons are gigantic, and also want to eat you. Basically everything in Skyrim that isn’t a plant thinks you taste good with a side of ketchup. Results may vary, and restrictions may apply.—_ Kaida’s Skyrim Survival Guide

* * *

The sound of her harsh breaths echoed inside of her head, and she trembled with her back against the door. The thunderous roar of the terror and chaos became muted; the cold, stone walls were dark and silent against the fiery storm rained down on top of the Keep. No matter how resilient they seemed right now, Kaida knew that some of these walls that gave the illusion of safety would come crumbling down. She had no desire to be beneath them when that happened, and yet she couldn’t move from her spot by the door. Her ankles quaked beneath her weight, and with each breath heaved into her lungs, the burning in her shoulder became more intense. Her mouth was dry like it was filled with cotton, and dread gnawed at her insides. This was the farthest that she had come, and she felt a shiver of hesitation run along the length of her spine. 

_There is no time for hesitation. You can’t hesitation. I don’t want to die again,_ Kaida scolded herself, harshly. Her body barely registered her mental tirade, and it wasn’t until Ralof placed on her shoulder that she was draw sharply back into the present. She hissed slightly at his touch because he grabbed her dislocated one. 

Ralof immediately realized his mistake, and released her. His blue eyes filled with concern, scrutinized the wound quickly. “You cannot go on with such a wound,” he said, a sympathetic tilt to his lips. “It will hinder you too greatly to leave it be.” 

“I know…” Kaida’s throat bobbed, beads of sweat rolled down her forehead. 

“I wish I could offer you a hand more gentle and practice at healing, but I fear my hands are that of a soldier. And I have no potion to spare to make this more bearable,” the Stormcloak stated, with a touch of regret in his tone. His fingers reached out, touching where her hands were still bound and he tapped them lightly. “First, we need to be rid of these.” 

“That would be wonderful,” Kaida croaked, with a voice she did not recognize. 

Ralof pulled a small iron dagger from his belt—a souvenir that he picked up during the chaos—and carefully but through the binds. They fell to the floor, and Kaida rubbed her raw wrists, feeling the tingle as blood flowed back into her skin. “Now for your shoulder,” he prompted. “The faster we get that done, the faster we can get moving and get out of here.” 

He was right. The earth trembled beneath the soles of her feet with sharp chaotic beats that was a grim reminder of what laid just beyond the wooden doors. Breathing sharply through her nose, she nodded shakily. “I’ll brace my good side on the wall, and then you’ll have to shove my shoulder back into place,” Kaida instructed, with a slight hitch in her voice. She leaned against the stone wall, jarring in shock at it being so cold, before she planted her feet firmly underneath her. Releasing a shuddering breath, she looked to Ralof who placed two steady hands on her shoulder and gave a sharp nod. 

Ralof shoved her shoulder into place swiftly and without hesitation. The joint gave a loud, stomach-turning crack, and Kaida bit the side of her cheek so hard that blood rushed into her mouth. Several unflattering curses rushed through her mind in a split second, and stars like the ones out of old timey cartoons seemed to flash tauntingly in front of her eyes. The burning pain throbbed in her shoulder for several heartbeats, and dulled into a white hot ache thereafter. She blinked away the stars that danced in her vision, and glared at Ralof petulantly when he patted her head in a consoling way. 

Kaida reached up, wiping the sweat from her brow. “What now?” She asked, out loud though the question was more to herself than to Ralof. She knew roughly of what would happen in the depths of the Keep, but this wasn’t a game anymore. This was real life with a lot of different possibilities—a painful variety of different possibilities, and she wasn’t looking forward to this journey one tiny iota. 

“Poor sod,” Ralof muttered, approaching a fallen Stormcloak. Quickly, he striped the body of the armor and grabbed the weapon lying aimlessly on the floor. “Here. Put this on,” he ordered, tone leaving no room for arguments. 

In another time and place, Kaida would have blanched at the idea of wearing something striped off a dead body. However, in the here and now, she was surprised with what she was able to tolerate in order to survive. It took a couple of moments with Ralof’s help, and the armor was put on over her clothes. It was ill-fitted, and obviously made for a person taller and more stout than she. It almost felt like a child’s sad attempt at playing adult with something they pulled out of their parents’ wardrobe, but it would offer more protection, Kaida would not complain. 

“You’ll also need this,” Ralof pressed the handle of the hand axe into her palm, and the other forced her fingers to wrap around it. “Have you ever fought before?” He added, quietly with a somber look in his eyes. 

Kaida shook her head. “Not like this.” 

Ralof nodded, with a knowing look. “Just do what it takes to protect yourself, at any cost. It will be you against whatever else lays further down in this Keep, and you must choose yourself to be the one to survive. Any hesitation given on your part is an opportunity for them, and you cannot afford to give them any opportunity,” he told her, gravely. 

_Actually, if I keep magically respawning I could afford opportunities. I just really don’t like the idea of that, and don’t want to be stuck in a perpetual Skyrim Groundhog’s Day,_ the sarcastic thought threatened to bubble up past her lips, but she choked it down. His advice, regardless, was sound and she took it gratefully. “Let’s find our way—” Before she could even finish the sentence, shouts arose down from the darken corridor behind the locked gate. A sharp, unpleasant awareness shot down her spine when she suddenly remembered, “Imperials.” 

Ralof’s lips twitched into a frown, and he whispered, “Out of sight. Quickly.” 

The two moved close to the wall, practically hugging it, just out of the line of sight of the two Imperials that would walk through that door. Kaida’s stomach rolled when she heard the footsteps grow closer and closer, and she pressed her palm against her lips to suppress the nervous sound that quaked on her tongue. This was a whole different trial than the one she faced outside, and she wasn’t prepared for it. There was no way to prepare for it. 

“Open the gate!” A sharp voice commanded. 

A jingle of keys and the creak of the rusty hinges as the gate opened was the only thing she recalled with clarity. The second the two Imperials stepped through, Ralof charged and attacked with fierce savagery that made wolves appear tame in comparison. The air ripped from her lungs, and for a split second, Kaida stood there with eyes like an owl. She couldn’t stand there froze for long because as Ralof attacked one Imperial, the other charged straight for her. The glint of the blade arcing through the air jolted Kaida back to reality swiftly and she ducked just in time to miss the blade from taking her head clean off. Her heart pounded against her ribcage, and the Imperial moved towards her as dangerous and venomous as a cobra. 

The good old fight or flight response snapped like a fishing line pulled taut inside her mind, and all her muscles coiled up underneath her skin. A cold sweat broke out along her skin, and fear bubbled up in her gut, slowly rising until it hit the back of her throat. It became a blur to her—a blur of blades, movement and so much fear. She cried out when the sword slashed down her, and blood spilt downward like a waterfall. Kaida barely had a second to comprehend the shock of the cut before the Imperial came at her again, and that’s when anger burst into her veins. A black consuming anger that had been boiling beneath the surface ever since her first death outside, and now that anger had been given a target. 

With a broken cry, Kaida launched forward. She swung her axe like a wild man; with no grace or trained hand, but the unexpected offense took the Imperial by surprise. She kept slashing and hacking, with only one clear goal in mind: _Do Not Die._ It was by sheer luck that her blade hit it’s mark, and the sound of the blade striking flesh thundered against her eardrum, and she watched with wide eyes as blood spurt out of the Imperial’s neck. She flinched back when it hit her face, and she dropped her weapon. 

The Imperial gurgled, grasping at her neck before she fell to the ground. Her body spasm and shook for several heartbeats before it went utterly still, and when it did Kaida felt her knees give out. She hit the floor with a hard thud, and stared at the dead Imperial as dry sobs ripped through her. She knew she had no choice. It was kill or be killed, and yet she felt sick. Bile warbled up through, and she bent over spitting it on the ground. She was barely aware of Ralof killing the other Imperial, and nearly jumped out of her skin when he pulled her up on her unsteady feet. 

“The first kill is always the hardest,” Ralof whispered, comfortingly to her. 

Scalding tears slid down Kaida’s cheeks, and she shook her head side to side. “No…it’s scary how it easy it was,” she corrected, her voice strained. She didn’t understand how easy she had taken someone else’s life. Her mind just couldn’t wrap around it, even though it was self-defense and she knew in her heart that Imperial’s face was one that would star in many nightmares to come. “I was so afraid. I’m still afraid.” 

“Fear keeps us sharp. Fear keeps alive. It’s when you don’t have fear that you end up dead,” the Stormcloak said, sagely. “If there were more time, I would give you it, but you have to push through this. I have the key to the gate, and we best not linger for more Imperials to find us.” 

Biting her lower lip, Kaida nodded. She swallowed thickly, and picked up the axe from the ground. After a split second of hesitation, she took the Imperial’s shield. It was very heavy, but anything to add more between her and the danger was worth carrying a ton if it meant she had to. “Let’s go. I have cost us enough time as is,” she whispered. Her heart felt like a lead weight in her chest that if dropped would tie her down to the spot, and she would be unable to move. She couldn’t afford that. Neither of them could afford that because Ralof was a man of honor, and for some reason, he had sought to take her under his wing. “We need to get out of here before the keep decides to fall in right on top of our heads.” 

“Agreed.” Ralof unlocked the gate, and the two made their way down the darkened hallway. 

The torchlights broke up the shadows every so often, and lightened the path only just. It reminded her of times when a storm would blow through, and the electricity would go out. The smell of the oil—reminiscent of the old oil lamps her parents had—and the sound from beyond the walls, brought back memories of her cuddle up in a blanket with her parents who made shadow puppets on the walls. But this was not so innocent of a time, and the ceiling falling on top of her and crushing her was a bitter aide-mémoire. 

* * *

She couldn’t believe she forgot about the bloody ceiling caving in. 

There was a higher power here, and she had the feeling he was laughing at her. She didn’t know why that thought crossed her mind, but it was not out of the realm of possibility given who and what watched over Tamriel. She shuddered at the thought of being watched by some good or bad deity who was getting delight out of her torture as she once again followed Ralof down the darkened hallway. 

She counted herself lucky that her reset started after the fight. She wasn’t sure what she would do if she had to start from the beginning of the game each and every time. That would drive her utterly mad very, very quickly. She threw her arm out in front of Ralof just as the ceiling came down, and ignored the eyes that bore into the side of her face. Her actions mirrored her ability to foreshadow events—which was true, she did know what was going to happen. She just wasn’t this mysterious seer that she could feel that Ralof thought she was. Kaida knew she needed to be more careful regardless of the origins of her knowledge. Knowledge was power, and anyone with power could very well see her as a tool. And how would she be able to fight back? She was like a child stumbling through a battle that was bigger and the start of far more than she could comprehend. 

Kaida pushed through the door into the galley where rabbits, pheasants, and all manner of herbs hung above one a spindle just next the great fireplace. The fire burned low, gradually dying into burning embers and white hot ash. She stood there, straining her eyes to listen for the Imperials she suspected would be right around the corner. 

And yet…she heard nothing. 

“Expecting something?” Ralof asked, warily. 

“I suppose not,” Kaida replied, frowning. “I guess I’m a bit paranoid after everything that’s happened so far.” 

Ralof let out a minute chuckle. “Nothing wrong with being paranoid, especially in a place crawling with Imperials,” he told her, then brushed past her to move further into the room. “It appears to be a pantry and storeroom. We might be able to find something useful, if the place hasn’t been picked over as of yet. If luck favors us today as I truly feel that it has then we might be able to find some potions.” 

_No Imperials…but aren’t we supposed to get attacked here?_ Kaida thought, worriedly. A slight deviation was cause for great concern. It meant there might be things later down the line that she wouldn’t be the same, and while this may be a small—and frankly welcomed change—it didn’t mean those would be. _That’s a quite a bit of assuming I am doing. I don’t even know what I’m going to do when I get out of here._

That thought was almost scarier than the dragon outside. 

She made her way over past the table to the cupboard where the potion sat in plain sight. It was tinier than what the game portrayed, fitting into the palm of her hand. “There should be some in the barrels,” she offered, then nearly slapped herself. “Or at least, that’s where I would think some would be,” she added, quickly. 

The side eye that he gave told her that her attempt at covering her mistake hadn’t gone unnoticed, but he didn’t not address it out loud which she was eternally grateful for. He moved over to the barrels and bags just down the hall, and began to search while Kaida slipped the potion into her pocket. It felt cumbersome and dug into her thigh, but she had no other way to carry it as of right now. Licking her dry and cracked lips, she began to search the cupboards for anything else useful. The only things remotely useful were the four septims she found stowed away in a cast iron pot. “I found some coin, and a potion,” she told the Stormcloak, shoving the door shut. She made her way over to him, and saw him pick up a small sack. “What are you doing?” 

He flashed a quick smile, before he dumped out the salt piles carelessly all over the floor, and then with his small dagger made incisions around the rim of the bag. Sliding his dagger back into his belt, he inspected his work before grabbing a small piece of twine from atop one of the barrels and proceeded to loop it through the holes. Tying off at the end, he picked up the three potions he found and stuffed them into the bag. He grabbed the rope and pulled it tight, sealing the top of the bag shut. 

“Well, aren’t you handy?” Kaida commented, impressed. 

“When the occasion calls for it,” Ralof smirked. “Are you ready to proceed?” 

“Not really,” Kaida admitted, bluntly. “But do we really have choice?” 

“We very often never do,” the Stormcloak said, a sadness creeping over his face for a split second then it was gone. Squaring his shoulder, he gestured for her to follow him. “Come on, this way though…you probably already knew that,” he stated, with an eyebrow arched upward. It was as if he were silently challenging her to dispute his words. 

Kaida shot him a dirty look, and her lips thinned out into a tight white line. Her gaze turned into a full out glower when he seemed more amused by the daggers she glared at him, then anything else. With a haughty sniff, she strode past him and full on ignored the light laugh that followed her. She pushed open the door, and immediately halted at the top of the hallway that descended downward as the horrid stench of death rushed past her. 

Kaida look at Ralof out of the corner of her eye, and saw his expression turn cold with a black rage. He suspected what was down there because there was only a handful of reason that a room would gathered such a pronounced and lingering odor of death. A feeling of horror rolled over her in one great wave before it stabbed at her ankles, and she wobbled slightly on the way down the hallway. Turning the corner, Kaida’s eyes shot down the length of the stairs to the two cages below that hung from the ceiling; one with a skeleton in it, and the other with a dead body. _The torture chamber,_ she thought, feeling slightly lightheaded. The smell of rotten flesh and old blood nearly gagged her, but she managed to descend the stairs nonetheless. That’s when shouts of a battle below echoed up the stairway, and Ralof immediately charged past her. 

He didn’t even know what was down there, and he faced it head on with courage. Kaida wished that she could say that she had bravery in her heart, but even as she chased after him, she didn’t feel very courageous. The clamor of battle was near deafening. The sound of steel on steel and frenzied shouts creating the shattered cacophony that echoed against the walls. Two Stormcloaks were facing off against the torturer and his assistant. The scene in the game gave the illusion of how horrid this chamber was, but it was nothing compared to the reality. 

A dead body laid stretched out on the table that had been flayed nearly off all his skin. A withered and starved form sat still in one of the cages. Blood seemed to be splattered along the floor, the walls and the ceiling. Kaida didn’t dare to look at anything else. Vomit burned bitter on her tongue, and she swallowed it back down convulsively. It was a split second later that the torturer killed the Stormcloak he was facing, and turned his sights on her. _Not good,_ Kaida thought, throwing up her shield just in time to block his blade. Her heartbeat skyrocketed and nearly burst right out of her ribcage. 

The heat of battle was one that raked across her skin like broken, jagged nails and a fist of fear squeezed at her gut. Violence wasn’t something Kaida had experienced much in her life. Compared to Skyrim standards, she must have grown up like a princess in a tower really. There had been brief moments where—no, she wasn’t going there. Her mind tried to remember what her self-defense classes had taught her, but all she could remember where that elbow strikes could be an effective weapon in hand to hand combat. That didn’t really apply when swords and shield were involved. The torturer struck again, but this time Kaida raised her axe to block it. The force of the blow rattled her jaw, and she nearly crumbled underneath the weight of it. By some miracle, she kept her feet underneath her and grinding her teeth together, she shoved the Imperial back with all her strength. The Imperial staggered back, and Kaida in her heart knew she couldn’t wait. 

With wrathful breaths, she fought back with all might. She fought against the torturer as well as the weight of her weapon and shield. This time she didn’t allow hesitation to stop from burying the axe straight into the torturer’s skull. He stumbled back with blood spilling down across his face and Ralof took advantage of the Imperial’s stupor and finished him. 

The torturer’s assistant let out a shout of pain as the other two Stormcloaks slayed him, and it was just another thing that Kaida’s eyes desperately tried to avoid looking at. Her pulse hammered against her eardrum drowning out everything else. Every inch of the room screamed of the mutilation that took place here, and she already had enough fodder to fill her nightmares to the brim. She knew that it was an effort made in vain, but she made it all the same. 

Ralof turned to his brothers and sisters in arms in the quiet aftermath of the battle. “Was Jarl Ulfric with you?” He asked, a desperate kind of hope in his voice. 

The female Stormcloak shook her head, regretfully. “No. I haven’t seen him since the dragon showed up,” she answered, with a weary sigh. “But I haven’t seen his body, either. So he must have made it out. If he didn’t then all we’ve fought for…” The woman broke off, and shook her head sharply. “He must have it out. He must have.” 

Ralof nodded, but there was a hint of anxiety on his face. 

Kaida’s stomach knotted up, unpleasantly so. Knowing that she was most likely going to regret this, she drew in a deep breath and brushed her hair out of her face. “He made it out fine,” Kaida reassured them. More Ralof than the others because she felt that she owed him that bit of comfort for having her back all through this. She winced back at the intensity of the blue scrutiny that fell upon her, and her throat bobbed sharply. “He made it out alive.” 

Ralof’s lips parted in surprise before his jaw clacked shut. 

“How would you know?” The female Stormcloak demanded. 

Kaida worked her jaw up and down. “Because Ulfric is resilient and resourceful,” she replied, carefully. It was unavoidable that Ralof knew that she was something…different than a normal person, but that didn’t mean she was going to advertise it to everyone she met. “He is a survivor, and to do anything other than to make it out alive is unthinkable to him.” _Probably one of his few admirable qualities._

She turned her back on the soldiers, and walked over to the knapsack that sat on the table. Taking the potion out of her pocket, she opened up the sack and placed it inside of the bag. She reached inside the side flap of the bag, and took out the lockpicks when her gaze fell on the book that sat there on the edge of the table. Her fingertips brushed over the symbol on the book, and her heart skipped a beat in her chest. She can honestly say that she read few books past the cover page in Skyrim, but this was one she knew by heart. Chewing thoughtfully on her lower lip, she picked up the book and put in the bag along with the iron dagger. She avoided Ralof’s gaze, and made her way to the cage. Kneeling down on one knee, she carefully slid the tools into the lock and began to work of picking it. These locks were significantly less intricate than the ones back home, and she leaned close to hear the little click before she turned the tools to the right. The lock gave way, and she pulled open the cage door. 

“Knows the way of thievery, do you?” Ralof asked, his tone void of judgment. 

“Ha! No, not really. I just learned how to pick locks to scandalize my parents. My small way of being a rebel back when I was a teenager,” Kaida sniggered, remembering the times she’d fiddle with the padlocks at the dinner table or at churches that would earn her a harsh lecture afterwards. Her father always took away her lockpick kit, but she always managed to get it back much to his irritation. A sad twinge pulled at her heart when she thought about those good times, and she shoved it hastily it to the back of her mind. Her stomach lurched when she stepped in the cage, and she murmured a small prayer for the dead mage. This was not a place where she would wish anyone to meet their end. Gathering the coin, she offered them to Ralof, but he just told her to put them in her knapsack for safe keeping. Doing as she was told, Kaida’s gaze turned to the spell book. 

Curiosity bid her to pick it up, and read it now to see how it worked. _It was magic! Real magic_ , her inner child said, giddily. The pragmatically side of her however won out, and she slipped into the knapsack. She could sell it later for good coin, and if she was going to survive, she was going to need to money to help pave her way. Slinging the knapsack over her shoulders, she stepped out of the cage, and released a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding. She saw Ralof whispering to his fellow Stormcloaks and went to join them when she caught sight of something in the corner behind a barrel. 

Narrowing her eyes in surprise, she stared at the hunting bow like she had never seen anything like. Discarding the shield entirely, Kaida slid the axe into the belt around her waist. A back up weapon never hurt anyone. She picked up the bow with a delicate hand and the familiar weight of it was consoling. She was more confident in her archery abilities. She had taken competitive archery back in high school, and when she got free time, would still occasionally go shooting. Picking up the quiver, she counted the arrow and frowned lightly. There was about fifteen in total, and the iron arrows weighed more than the arrows she was used to dealing with. It would take a little bit of getting used to, but she knew that she was better off with this as her weapon of choice. The quiver settled on her shoulder a bit awkwardly because of the knapsack, but she could still reach the arrows easily. In the end, that’s all that mattered. 

_Just a little bit further,_ she told herself. Her body ached with the strain she was putting it under, and she could feel exhaustion start to worm its way into her bones. Her muscles throbbed beneath her too tight skin, and felt like overcooked noodles about to fall apart under the slight touch. The wound on her arm pulsated and swelled up red, but the bleeding had stopped. The tension in the back of her neck sent spikes of pain through her skull, and her vision blurred around the edges. Clenching her jaw, she fought it off and walked towards the trio. “Ready to go?” She asked, neutrally. 

Ralof nodded, soundlessly. 

The long hallway lined with cells was quiet, and nearly pitch black. Kaida trailed behind the three Stormcloaks, and a tiny, little hope built up inside of her heart. A slight, anxious flutter of her heart, and she held the bow in a bloodless grip. A feeling pooling in and around her heart that just maybe she would be able to survive through the end of this, after all. 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all! I hope you enjoy and please comment!


	4. Unbound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank, Professionalatfangirling, GirAwesome43, Dyranna, Smiling_Seshat, SylvannasBurnas, TaigaKagari, TheOneKrafter, for the bookmarks!  
> I want to thank TheOneKrafter, Welp_im_here, Valsheress, Sevaunt, Kerlyssa, Shirazai, melgonzo, catschmi, Professionalatfangirling, Abrinei, GirAwesome43 and 9 guests who left kudos!  
> I want to thank, Abrinei, Grigori, for commenting!  
> FINALLY I UPDATED! :D  
> Chapter Inspired:  
> “Prayer of the Refugee” by Rise Against

Chapter Four 

“Unbound”

* * *

_There is no courtship in Skyrim for marriages. All you have to do is put on an amulet, and if someone thinks you are then one and you are like “sure!”, then off to the chapel you go. Do not fear though, if you did end having a bit of Buyer’s Regret with your choice of bride or groom, remember that this Skyrim full of monsters and danger around every corner! Your spouse will most likely die in some unfortunate way. And if that takes too long, you can always call the Dark Brotherhood._ —Kael’s Skyrim Survival Guide 

* * *

Her stomach quivered with dread. 

There was a strange frisson that grew inside of her chest cavity with each breath she took. Her eyes darted from the back of Ralof’s head to that of his fellow Stormcloaks, and rolled the bow in the palm along her palm nervously. The further they ventued into the depths of the keep, the move undefined it became. Solid and carefully crafted stone walls turned into a cavern, as they carefully stepped down through a hole in the wall. The hole looked deliberately made, not the accidental work of the terror from above. It had been an old passageway that had been sealed up with cold, unlit braziers lining the way and the path broken, eroded by time and nature. Why they opened it now could be for a number of reasons, but Kaida would bet that it was to be an exit strategy if ever the Keep came under attack by the Stormcloaks. If the Stormcloak had known that General Tullius and the Thalmor had been here, a secret path such as this would have been a bit of insurance in an uncertain war. 

And they weren’t the only ones that had made use of it. 

Kaida saw the fresh boot prints from three or four people pressed down onto the soft earth. It seemed unlike the pantry room that the rest of the Keep would stay well in tune with the narrative of the game, and that more Imperials laid up ahead. It was a rustic cistern area from what she recalled, and was the only way that led to the caves which housed the only means of escape. But she was getting ahead of herself. She had to survive in order to get to the caves in the first place before she could dare think about the taste of sunlight or fresh air again. It had only been an hour--a little longer for her given her restarts—but it had felt like that time had been stretched outward until it was more akin to eternity. 

_You will have to fight again,_ a voice from the back of her mind reminded her. The thought of another battle made her blood curdle in her veins. _But there wasn’t any other way,_ Kaida told herself, but her stomach was still riddled with knots. She had never thought herself to be in a position to have to judge her right to live above another’s. It didn’t settle right with her, but in a fight where it was live or die, did she have any other choice? It was hard applying her modern mentality to this world—which by comparison was barbaric, and yet at the same time she could see the bits that were all too similar. 

Kaida worried her lower lip between her teeth, the sound of running water growing closer with each step they took down the hallway. The first trace of voices in the distance bounced off and echoed along the stone walls; Ralof tossed his compatriots a look that said a thousand words, an entire conversation between them with a single glance. It was a remarkable kind of trust and bond that war forged, if only war did not leave scars and blood soaked earth in its wake in equal measure. Drawing an arrow out of her quiver, she notched along her bow holding it low slung and horizontal. Her teeth set together, the pressure felt all along her jaw and her heart jackhammered wildly in her chest. 

It tingled along her skin, a shift of the air that went taut in the blink of eye and two Stormcloaks that accompanied them charged out of the tunnel with Ralof following after. She was only a step or two behind, despite the nerves that buzzed inside of her stomach like a swarm of hornets. Stepping out of the shadows into the lit area of the cistern it took her eyes a split second to adjust to the abrupt change, but once her eyes focused in, she saw an archer across the room. She aimed her arrow for the flesh of his neck, where his armor did not cover him. An arrow there would be a swift death, no prolonged suffering. She released the arrow from her quaking fingers, and a cold damp sweat broke out along her neck when she watched it soar through the air. The iron arrows were heavier so her aim had been off, and it stuck him in the chest. The leather armor could not fully protect him, but the arrow had not sank deep enough to be lethal. 

His cry of pain rattled deep into her ears, and her hands struggled to grasp another arrow. There was so much going on around her. Ralof and his compatriots stuck together, not allowing the Imperials to divide and conquer. They set their sights on one Imperial, and like a pack of hyenas took them down swiftly before turning on the next. So easily and without batting such an eye and Kaida notched another arrow back. The first death in the heat of the moment had been easy. But the deaths that followed the first one—after she realized the gravity of what she had done? What she had to continue to do? Those were the ones that like swallowing chunks of broken glass, but she released another arrow. The action almost mechanical, an instinctive response when she saw the archer reaching for his own arrows, and she had made sure to lift her aim higher—the arrow stuck him clean through his neck. 

The choked gurgled sounds made her recoil in horror, and she clenched her eyes against the sight of him coughing up blood. She heard the distance thud of his body, and for a moment the entire world seemed to halt. An invisible chain seemed to snake around her ankles with a lead weight at the other end, threatening to pull her underneath the ocean of emotions that she was fighting to keep at bay. It wasn’t until Ralof called her name that she was jerked back into reality. She opened her eyes and turned to him, seeing him wipe the blood off the side of his face. 

“You alright there, lass?” Ralof questioned. 

Kaida nodded, not trusting her voice. Her eyes flickered behind him, and she saw that one of the Stormcloaks had fallen. “Your friend…” She started to offer her condolence, but wasn’t sure how. Such words were not easily found. 

Regardless of her lack speech, Ralof seemed to recognize what she meant to say. He bowed his head in a gentle acceptance, and simply said, “She shall be honored in Sovngarde for her bravery, but there is nothing we can do for her now. We must press onward.” 

“I’ll stay here, wait for any others that make it out,” the other Stormcloak declared, with a placid expression his face. “And cover your backs should any Imperial rats find there way down here.” 

Kaida didn’t think that wasn’t such a good idea. She remembered move cave-ins, and she was definitely sure staying inside of the Keep was a bad idea period. She opened her mouth, but then hastily shut it. The Stormcloak never followed them further in the game version, but this wasn’t a game, so shouldn’t she encourage the man to come along? It would change things for better or worse? Her mind felt like it was being split in two, trying to work out just what was the right thing to do. Battling with her conscious, she let out a deep sigh. “That isn’t exactly a good idea. This place is collapsing. Staying here is likely a death sentence,” said Kaida, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

“I will not abandon my brothers and sisters in arms,” the Stormcloak said, stubbornly. 

“Duncan, if the lass says it’s for the best,” Ralof interjected, with a frown, “then you should take care and listen.” 

The Stormcloak remained unmoved by the words. “I’ve made my choice, Ralof. I ask that you respect it, and then continue onward. If Ulfric has perished in Helgen then someone must inform Galmar and Yrsarald of what has occurred,” the man stated, resolute and firm in his voice. 

Kaida went to protest, but Ralof’s hand on her arm made her falter. She glanced at him, and he gave a small shake of his head. Her lips twisted downward into a frown, but she held back her words. She gave one last look at the nameless Stormcloak soldier and then was guided by Ralof across the bridge. Her nose wrinkled at the smell of oil, and she was careful not to step in the shimmering liquid on the ground. With her luck, she had no desire to tempt fate by become more flammable. Kaida and Ralof took the path around, then made their way down a hallway. The bridge mechanism had been drawn up, blocking the way to go further and the lever that released it looked rusted. “Is that even going to work anymore?” Kaida pointed at it, a nervous look settled in her eyes. 

“If not then we’ll have to back track,” Ralof said, grimly. 

Kaida watched Ralof struggle to pull the lever. “There is not backtracking. This is the only way out, if the lever doesn’t work…” She trailed off, her throat bobbing nervously. Her pulsed kicked up a notch when Ralof let out a heavy sigh, and released the lever from his grip with a curse underneath his breath. Her teeth sank into her lower lip painfully, and she glowered down at the lever with all the hate and anger in her heart. “Move, Ralof. Let me give it a try.” 

Ralof’s brow quirked upward, but he did as he was asked. 

Kaida positioned herself in front of the lever, and gave it a deceptively placid glance before she started kick the lever in what one could only describe as a tantrum. Her frustration had built up like a clogged volcano, and it just had been too much to keep bottle up tight. The vibrations of her soul had unearth the white-hot emotions, and she released them on the lever whom was the unlucky target of her rage since it was the current obstacle in their way of escape. Her foot stung with ached each time she brought her foot against the lever, not even the soles of her shoes could dull it. “Just fucking work you piece of shi—eeettt!” Kaida let out a high pitched squeal when the lever finally flipped forward, and she stumbled forward, landing painfully on her knees. “Ouch. Guess that’s what I get for acting like a toddler,” she groaned, with a wince. 

The bridge lowered with a low, creaky groan that echoed off the cavern walls, and a loud thud when it fell into place. A cold of air rushed up from the depths of the cave; the earthy scent of mildew and undergrowth coated the inside of her nose, as she drew in a sharp gasp startled by wind. Though it gave her a little bit of chill, it was a positive sign. Moving air flowing in the depths of cave definitely meant that there was a way out, and that they were indeed on the right track. Her little fit hadn’t been for nothing. 

Ralof chuckled deep in his throat, and offered his arm to help her rise to her feet. “We now have a path to go forward,” the Nord stated, patting her shoulder once she was steady. “Besides, I wholeheartedly understand your vexations. It seems the Gods have deemed to put us through quite a trial, no?” 

“I think I’d like it better if the Gods stayed out of it,” Kaida replied, putting pressure down on her foot. It was sore and probably bruised from the abuse that she put it through, but not enough that it would keep her from walking. She narrowed her green eyes against the darkness of the cave, and felt a bit of trepidation run down along her spine. The wooden boards creaked beneath their footsteps as they crossed along the bridge, and her mind raced, trying to recall what all they still had left to face. No sooner had her feet hit the uneven ground, there was a distance roar and the entire world trembled. There was a loud crack, and Kaida turned to see the way behind cave in. She flinched at the force of it and the sheer volume of the crash, then looked at Ralof who gave the blocked path a forlorn look. 

“I’m sure your comrades will find another way out,” Kaida felt compelled to say. 

Ralof gave her a long look. “I thought you said this was the only way.” 

For a moment, Kaida was silent. Her father always accused her of being a bleeding heart, and she acknowledged in this moment that it was very much true. She hated seeing other people filled with uncertainty or worry. “It’s the only way _I_ know,” she said, slowly. “But there has to be other ways out. We aren’t the only ones who make it out of here alive.” 

Her words seemed to soothe him, but Kaida found herself wondering what kind of price her words would have later down the road. Every action had an equal and opposite reaction, right? And her “foresight” would invoke a great reaction. She felt a shiver wrack through her small frame, and it felt like someone had stepped over her grave. She made a silent vow to herself as she stumbled after Ralof that she would not say anything more about what she knew. It almost felt like she was in a poker game, trying to hide cards in her hand that were faced the wrong way, but with whom was she playing with? What kind of god or worse who had likely stacked the deck? Such thoughts only made her anxiety climb higher and higher, until her chest hurt with each lungful of air she drew inward. If Ralof noticed the change in her, he wisely did not comment. Perhaps, he feared getting the same treatment as the lever. 

The amusing thought was not enough to dampen the well of disquiet that filled up her soul, and Kaida forced her mind to observe her surroundings. A diversion to occupy her thoughts instead of the big question of, _How the hell did I end up here?_ It was pitch black, and Kaida could only make out the faint outline of the path before her. More than once, she accidentally bumped Ralof and whispered a sheepish apology. The Stormcloak was having a bit of difficulty with sight, too, but he was far more skilled and cautious as if he had done this many times before. It was probably not the first time he had been in a cave. It wasn’t the first time that Kaida has been in a cave, but she had the pleasure of a tour guide and lights along the way. And unlike the game there were no magically lit with lantern or braziers here. Not that she had realistically believed there would be. Game logic had no place in reality. 

Her bottom lip would be chapped from all the chewing she put it through, but the little nervous tick was instinctual and she couldn’t fight it with the emotions chiseling away at her down to the marrow of her bones. Her pulse throbbed in her veins, the blood felt icy underneath her too warm skin. The contrast sharp and unpleasant; she raised a hand to wipe the sweat off of her brow. She knew her body had been pushed to incredible limits, both emotionally and physically. How much more bending could she take before she just broke into little pieces? 

She had been using her hand to feel the cavern wall and keep her steady in the darkness. It helped for a little bit until she felt something silky and sticky beneath her palm, and she jolted back as if it burnt. Fear dropped into the pit of her stomach, her mind instantly recognizing it for what it was. Spider webs! But unlike the webs that would shatter with a good swat from a hand, this web was much larger and stronger; the reason being that Skyrim didn’t have tiny itty bitty spiders that stayed tiny. They had giant spiders that were the size of bloody horses, and that’s when she remembered that said eight legged freaks were part of the being of the game. Every adventure always starts with the cliché giant spiders or giant rats because otherwise it just wouldn’t be a true adventure story, now would it? Kaida was done with it. Whatever childlike wonder she held for adventures and good stories could just shrivel up and die because coming face to face with monsters just didn’t feel worth it. 

Maybe she was biased since she had a long lived hatred for said arachnids since Tammy Olsen threw a granddaddy long leg in her hair when she was seven, and no, she didn’t care that technically a granddaddy long leg wasn’t a spider. It had eight legs and was creepy, it was a fucking spider! She was jolted out of her mental tangent that in reality only lasted about three seconds to the low hiss, and then her eyes locked on the glint of a pair further down the path. Eight beady eyes that somehow glowed in the nonexistent light, and she whispered, “Well, shit. Spider! Spider!” 

“Spiders!” Ralof corrected, his voice strained when more sets of eyes appear at the mouth of the tunnel. 

The way spiders scuttled across the ground, the sound of it is somehow one of the most chilling things that Kaida has ever heard. With a speed she had not known she was capable of, she had pulled an arrow from the quiver and shot it. It zipped through the air striking the spider with a loud squelch. It hissed and spat angrily, drops of venom leaking out of its fangs that are too close too fast, and it is only by Ralof’s axe that they do not sink into her flesh. A strangled yelp flies out of her mouth when the blood of the spider splattered across her arms, and she fumbled for her next arrow before she gave up with a loud foul oath. Her bow clattered to the ground, and she wretched the axe free from her belt. 

Shooting arrows in the dark just wouldn’t work, even if it did keep her at a distance from the creatures. 

It fangs sank into her arm, and dragged her down to the ground. It the next few moments, the poison sinking deep into her veins, impossible fast and burning so hot and the world disappeared around her in a matter of seconds. 

The creaking bridge lowering brought the world back into startling focus for Kaida, and she sat there on her knees for a long minute, staring dumbly forward. Her heart thumped one painfully measured beat after the next, and her fingernails clawed at the ground as if to anchor herself. Behind her Ralof chuckled deep in his throat, and clapped a hand down on her shoulder, jostling her ever so slightly. “We now have a path to go forward,” the Nord stated, with a wry sort of tone. “Besides, I wholeheartedly understand your vexations. It seems the Gods have deemed to put us through quite a trial, no?” 

“I’d rather they stayed out of it,” Kaida said, her voice raw. Her arm twitched, and she could almost still feel the poison burn through her veins, even though she knew it was no longer there. The phantom pain danced along her nerve endings because her brain hadn’t quite caught up to the fact that she had once again died, and everything had been reset. Some how she managed to climb to her feet, albeit awkwardly. She took one step forward, then had to pause when her stomach churned uneasily. She took another step forward when her foot bumped into something, and she glanced downward at it. Her eyes blinked and blinked again at the ceramic jar filled with vividly colored liquid and inspiration sparked inside of her brain, chasing the foggy numbness away. Her head craned backwards until she spotted the torch just above her eyesight, and then she turned to look at Ralof. “You have anything that can light a torch?” She asked, very seriously. 

“Yes,” Ralof replied, with a nod of his head. He then added, when a big smile stretched across her face, “Why are you grinning like that?” 

* * *

There was hardly any change from the first time they made their way down the cavern, save for the sloshing of the oil jar that she kept set along her hip to keep it from spilling a single drop. Ralof carried a torch that illuminated the darkness. It had lit and blazing with the help of a flint, a knife, and little bit of oil from the jar. Kaida pressed her tongue against the back of her teeth, every footstep she made quiet and calculated. If it weren’t for the jar, she was hauling she might have given a proper sneak a go, but alas, she had to make due as is. She came to a halt when the ground began to slope downward, knowing what laid below and having no desire to fight them head on again. Kneeling down on her haunches, Kaida set the jaw down on the ground and wetted her parched lips. “Here goes nothing,” she whispered, angling the jaw just so. The thick inky substance coated the tip of her fingers just so, but it couldn’t be helped. With a small prayer, she released the jaw and allowed it to tumble down the way. It rolled and bounced on it’s side, the ceramic jar cracking slightly, but not enough to break. It left a trail of oil in it’s wake, and it had been what she had been counting on. Finally, the jaw came to a stop when it smashed into the side of a rock. 

It fell apart, and oil spread at the bottom of the cave. It also drew the eight legged fiends by the noise and vibrations it caused. Kaida saw Ralof’s eyes widen slightly at the four spiders below, and he quickly figured out her plan, tossing the torch without preamble into the trail of liquid. As soon as the bright orange flame touched the oil, the fire snaked down the trail fast and furious. Burning and consuming, the inferno even spread out along the spiraling webs and the the spiders down below didn’t have a chance to escape before they were set aflame. They hobbled and leapt about on the limbs set aflame, and let out a god awful screeching noise. The biggest and the one that had killed her last time was one of the two that had been ensnared in her trap, but she saw the others that hadn’t touched the oil and thus were unaffected by the inferno. She knew that the oil in one jar wouldn’t have been enough to hurt all the spiders, and she had certainly known it hadn’t been enough to outright kill the biggest of them. But oh, a tiny part of her had hoped. 

“Finish the big one first, the smaller ones will be easier to deal with,” Ralof advised, eyeing the oil and the flames that were slowly dwindling down. 

Kaida bobbed her head in acknowledgement, her green eyes fixated on the spider that collapsed to the ground dead. Her head tilted to examine the mother of all spiders, and it was likely true. Female spiders were always bigger and more stronger than their male counterparts, and it would explain why so many smaller ones nested near it. They were babies, which made Ralof’s strategy all that more sound. Young enough they still relied on their mother for protection meant that without the bigger spider, they would be more easier to deal with. _Hopefully,_ she thought, sliding her bow over her head and down her arm. It had been the only means she had of holding it while carrying the jar. Her fingertips brushed along the feathered end of an arrow, and the intense heat in the cave was faltering as the oil was damn near spent up. They only had moments before the fire would be gone, and they would have to face some very angry and hungry spiders. 

Arrow drawn back, the string of the bow touched the corner of her mouth and her eyes stared down her target, unblinking and unwavering. She released the arrow, latching on the need curled up inside of her heart. The need for her next heartbeat, the need for her next breath, the need to keep on living and moving. The arrow struck true, sliding right into one of the mother spider’s large eyes and the arachnid let out an inhuman scream. The second the flames were gone, Ralof charged down the path with his axe drawn. He moved as quick as lightning, slashing and hacking at the giant spider. The huge arachnid hissed and clacked it’s fang angrily with each awkward step it took. The bottom of it’s legs had been burnt, and wounded. 

She does her best to cover his back, aiming at the smaller spiders that scramble to their mother’s aid and taking shots at the big mamma herself when she was able to. Her palms were sweaty and shaking by the time the mother was slain, and she rushed down the path to get a better angle at the remaining fiends. Anxiety and panic fluttered wildly in her lungs, and when she reached for another arrow, she found that she was out. An oath slipped out between her teeth, and she let the bow clatter to the ground. Her fingers curled around the pommel of her axe, and she caught Ralof’s gaze. An unspoken message passed through them, and while she charged one of the spiders, he went after the other. 

Spiders were treacherous little things. More agile than their cumbersome appearance would imply, and the vicious beast hissed and spat at her. It’s fangs scraped the inside of her shin, a shock a pain rushing through her but she managed to pull her appendage away before the fangs could sink deep. She swung downward with all her might, burying to blade right between the spider’s many eyes and the creature squealed. Ripping the axe free with a squelch, Kaida kept hitting the monster over and over, yellowish ooze that was the spider’s blood across the cavern floor until mercifully the fiend ceased moving all together. “Ralof, you alright?” She panted, desperate to catch her breath. 

“Damn things, too many eyes,” Ralof hissed, kicking the carcass away from him. “Define alright, lass?” 

A breathless chuckle left her. “Fair point.” 

“Let’s keep moving,” the Stormcloak suggested. “I don’t what to find out if there are anymore of them.” 

Kaida agreed, whole-heartedly. The pair left the spider webbed dwelling behind for the dark depths of the cave, and Kaida pulled a face when they passed by a few skeleton with an unlit lantern by its side and an empty bottle of mead. She could tell the poor soul’s leg had been broken, and she was better he had sought refuge in this dark little corner of the cave. He had likely known this place would become his tomb. Nervousness skirted along her spine as she followed the running water, and noted that Ralof seemed quite content to allow her to lead. It seemed that he put a lot of stock into her “ability”, but she hastily pushed that thought away. 

It was a concern that she would address later. In the now, she wanted to be free of this cave and anything unpleasant that still lingered inside. The trickling of water was the only sound save for their breathing, and they climbed up a small incline to find a large open area within the cave. There was an opening in the ceiling above, too small to slip through and too high up to climb safely to it anyways. It wouldn’t have been a chance Kaida would have took anyways, considering the large grizzly bear that slumber in the rays of sunlight that peeked through. She came to an abrupt halt, and stared at the slumbering animal that was on the other side of the cave. She literally felt a bead of sweat drip down across her temple, and took in a deep breath, glancing at Ralof. 

Ralof looked exhausted, almost like he was cursing inside his mind. “I have a few arrows. We could--a” 

“We are sneaking.” 

His blond brows rose to his hairline, but he merely nodded his head. 

Kaida had to say a few things about “sneaking.” First off, the way a player in Skyrim was so awkward to do in real life. Or maybe, she just wasn’t all that good at it. Her thighs ached terribly by the time they crept down to where the path veered off. And no coin purse in the randomly placed cart full of wine. She checked. Her fingernails dug into her palms, she edged her way to the left with no intent of getting anywhere near the bear if she could help it. Her breath was caught tight in her chest, and her teeth were imbedded into her lower lip. She just kept counting her steps, focusing on that seemed to keep her fear at bay long enough for them to reach the end of the tunnel. When the bear was no longer in sight, Kaida allowed herself to relax just a hair. “I didn’t think that would work.” 

“You weren’t sure?” Ralof cocked his head to the side. 

“I’m omniscient,” Kaida told him, flatly. “I don’t know everything.” 

“Could have fooled me,” the blond stated, slightly amused. 

Kaida snorted. “Let’s go. We should be close to an exit.” 

She was glad he didn’t comment further. She was too damned tired to put up pretenses, or try to lie her way out of her “foreknowledge” fiasco. She could taste blood in her mouth, her heart beat was like thunder inside of her chest. She could feel the pain and shock in the marrow of her bones, and darkness crept along the edges of her vision. All her struggles, physically and emotionally, were catching up to her in calm aftermath of the long battle through the keep and cave. There was a hot ball of tension that was jammed right at the base of her skull, and she needed it disappear. To dissolve away to ease the throbbing that scraped across her brain. 

The light at the end of the tunnel, or cave as it was could be classified as one of the most beautiful sights that Kaida had ever seen. And she wasn’t ashamed of the flood of tears that came. The sheer relief that crashed down on her shoulders made it impossible to contain them, and she walked a little faster. Her steps unsteady, but carried her out of the darkness and into the sunlight. It was glorious, the warmth that immediately fell over her and clean, pure air that rushed into her lungs on the deep gasp she took in. She finally felt free and safe for the first time in hours, and the emotional upheaval that had been scraping her soul raw hit a fever pitch, unable to process the sheer amount of all that she felt in that moment. 

She collapsed, out cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: 
> 
> 1.) Originally Kaida was going to get eaten by the bear, but my own gameplay of Skyrim actually changed that. I decided to start a new game to kind of refresh my memory about the beginning of the game, and the immediate quest lines that followed. I totally forgot about the spiders in the cave, and actually got startled when they attacked me. So it made me change and tweak the outcome of this chapter a tiny bit. 
> 
> 2.) When writing for an original character I always make sure to give them vices or flaws. A character who goes through everything too easily or immediately loved by everyone without conflict is nice to read sometimes, but wholly unrealistic. Give your character a few traits or abilities that they are good at, but make sure to give them some things they are utterly horrid at. We all aren’t perfect at everything, and when I read stories with characters like this, I find it easier to connect to them. Best way to make your character believable and relatable is, to write a paragraph about their personality and what you love about it. Then write another paragraph about their personality and what you hate about it. It is advice I picked up a while ago, and it helps me pinpoint where to create personality flaws and good traits to make a character likeable, but also with vices that will hinder them along the way. For me, Kaida’s biggest virtue and flaw is her big heart. Underneath her quips and sarcasm, she had a big heart that often leads her to trouble, even if it is for the best of reasons. She is also very aware of herself and everything around, soaking it all in like sponge. She sees things others might deem as unimportant. She picks up on the little things and vibes that people give off, so while she may not be 100% survival smart, she has the instincts to eventually get there. She has a temper and can be stubborn to the point of ridiculous, and when her mind is made up, it is hard for anyone to persuade her to change it. She doesn’t cope with emotions the best way, and often lets them stay locked up until she can’t contain them anymore. She lashes out when hurt or angry, and for every good choice, she’ll end making a mistake or two along the way. Hope this gives you some insight into the Kaida that you’ll all get to see. :D 
> 
> 3.) When this story is wrapped up, the next story in the series is "The Curse of Bleak Falls Barrow".


	5. Built Up Like Clay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Formerly titled: Innocence Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank Amyliana, ChyanneBlue, Nevergreene, Neleothesze, ellanarei, CeresMaria, Sqidog123, smiley0709, Dyranna, TintinnabulousRunes, TheOneKrafter, Welp_im_here, Valsheress, Sevaunt, Kerlyssa, Shirazai, melgonzo, catschmi, Professionalatfangirling, Abrinei, GirAwesome43 and 19 guests for leaving kudos on my work!  
> I want to thank, Dyranna, GirAwesome43, Professionalatfangirling, Smiling_Seshat, SylvannasBurnas, TaigiKagari, TheOneKrafter, CeresMaria, ellanarei, ChyanneBlue, for the bookmarks!  
> I want to thank everyone for the comments! Thanks so much!  
> Please note that the first chapter in the next story in this series “The Barrow Falls” is up! So after you are done reading, you can go on to the next one. :D  
> Chapter Inspired by the Songs:  
> “Black Wings” by Johannajoins
> 
> * * *

Chapter Five 

“Built Up Like Clay”

_I want to believe in better men that will make better choices. I want to believe that fairness, justice and peace are concepts are not only attainable, but inevitable. I want to believe that good will always triumph over evil and beat it back. But I’ve seen the face of evil and it wears better men’s clothing._ —Kael’s Skyrim Survival Guide 

* * *

_Blood…bright lights…people leaning over her…_

_“Clear…” A painful jolt of electricity shoved into her chest._

_The heart monitor gave a shrill and steady beep, the line stayed flat._

_“I’m calling it…” a sad voice stated, and then everything went back._

The jackhammer thundering inside of her skull is what drew Kaida back into consciousness. 

Her limbs were heavy and lethargic, like she was weighed down by an invisible force. Thoughts thin like paper crossed through her mind, but disintegrate to ashes as soon as she reached out to grasp them. She dozed there, fighting the current of exhaustion to pull her eyes open and a deep breath rattled through her chest. Her lungs ached and her throat felt raw, there was a taste of smoke that coated her tongue. Nightmarish visions of dragons and death danced behind her eyelids, and she thought it must have been a dream. There was no those could truly be real, but there was a knot growing inside of her heart. 

There was a scent that lingered in the air, an oaky smoke scent that could only come from a fireplace. A fireplace that she did not have in her apartment and the bed didn’t feel right, either. It was lumpy and made from coarse material. The blanket that covered was thin, nothing like her thick comforters that she had at the house and the pillow beneath her head was nothing like the mountain stack she normally had. It wasn’t a cold versus warm and a pillow obsession; it was more of a comfort thing. 

Not that if she had those things right this moment that she would be comfortable. There was a burning sensation that seethed right underneath her skin like she had pulled every muscle and torn every ligament imaginable. She felt worn down to the bone and finally after what seemed like forever, her eyes fluttered open. There wasn’t an overabundance of light, just the brightness of the flames of the solidary torch on the nearby wall. Blinking the blurriness from her vision, Kaida surveyed her surrounding with a feeling of complete dissociation. 

It was a homey little hovel built out of wood and stone. Simple it its design and construction, and there were two beds. There was a smaller dresser on the fair wall and firewood stacked underneath the stairs, where she could hear footsteps and voices. She swallowed with difficulty, her throat parched and dry. Burying her fingers into the cot, Kaida tried to find leverage to haul herself up into a sitting position when a shadow slid across the wall just above the stairs. Alarm spiraled through her as she tried to remember just how she ended up here. 

Her heartbeat ricocheted painfully off of her ribs, acidic bile burned on the back of her tongue and fear burrowed underneath her skin like fire ants. One scenario after the other encompassed her thoughts until her mind was practically numb with worry and she struggled to untangle her memories amidst the panic. Her feet pressed against the cold floor, she recoiled at the touch before she planted them down more firmly. She was on her feet when the man came into view, and her entire world came to a screeching halt, and all the blood drained from her face. 

“Ralof?” The familiar name fell off her tongue in disbelief. 

It was a like a switch had been flipped in her mind, and everything came rushing back to her. Red eyes and black wings, a sky being torn apart and the smell of death imprinted on her mind that shakes her to her core. She remembered Helgen, the vivid details slamming into her with such force in a split second that her knees buckled and she crashed to the floor. Ralof gaped for all of moment, setting aside the bowl he had been carrying on the dresser just to the side before he rushed over to her and helped her off of the floor. 

Kaida trembled, her eyes pale with shock. “Ralof? Oh, God,” she breathed out, feeling very faint and like she was stuck on that stupid tilt-o-whirl ride that every festival seemed to have. The impact of waking up here hit her like a ton of bricks. Her hand clasped on his arm as he led her back to the cot and she sank weakly onto it. “It was real. It was real…” 

Ralof mistakes her meaning. “I know, lass. I have trouble believing it still myself. A dragon…I never imagined such a nightmare would swoop down from the skies,” 

_Swooping is bad,_ the inane thought rattled through her brain. _Wrong game, Kaida._

Except this wasn’t a game, anymore, now was it? The unhelpful reminder bitter swirled in her gut and she wrapped her arms around her. She stared sightlessly out in front of her as Ralof went to retrieve the bowl of food, and she croaked, voice strained, “How long…” 

“Two days,” he replied, quietly. He surveyed her, his eyes a well of sympathy and he pressed the bowl into hers hands. “Chicken broth. It’s what we’ve been feeding you while you slumbered. It’ll help with the dryness of your throat.” 

Kaida looked down into the bowl; the golden liquid smelt wonderful and made her stomach growl despite the queasiness that flooded through her from head to toe. She lifted the wooden bowl up to her lips, and took a tentative sip of the broth. It was still warm and slid down her throat like silk. The taste of it was far better compared to the cotton mouth morning breath she had. “Thank you,” she said, mustering up something that could have been a smile. 

Her body felt like it short circuited. There wasn’t a single inch of skin that didn’t ache in some way, and she swore she felt her bones creak loudly with each movement she made. Her hands trembled, and she was forced to rest the bowl in her lap. “I’ve been unconsciousness for that long?” 

“After the battle we endured, I doubt anyone could fault you for that,” Ralof commented, his face twisted in an expression that was somewhere between an wry grin and grimace. “We are in Riverwood. My sister Gertrude has given us sanctuary and has kept us hidden for the time being.” 

That didn’t surprise Kaida. It was cannon to end up in Riverwood after the events of Helgen, but it was the thereafter that made her hair stand on end. She felt a knot of emotions that swelled painfully in the middle of her throat. She felt a cold damp sweat broke out along her skin when a horrible question stirred inside of her mind. What does this mean for her? Was she stuck here, literally in the place of the Dragonborn? She couldn’t pretend that when her eyes locked with Alduin that she hadn’t felt something inside of her shift—something had awakened, and that terrified the fucking shit out of her. 

It takes her several moments to find her voice. “They probably aren’t too concerned with recapturing any prisoners, save perhaps for Ulfric,” Kaida sighed, running her thumb over the rim of the bowl. “A dragon appearing in the sky and razing a town has a way of shifting priorities.” 

Death had not been kind to her, by any stretch of the imagination. She greeted it way too many times and the feeling in the pit of her stomach told her that she would end up getting reacquainted with it somewhere down the line. She had died so many times, each time painful and terrible. The mental scars she bore from those encounters, she shuddered to think about how and when they would reveal themselves. The very idea that this was now her life was something that she just couldn’t deal with. 

She wasn’t sure any rational human being could. 

She had so many questions and too few answers. She supposed she could go searching for answers, but the things here in Skyrim that could have the answers weren’t anything she wanted to meet. Kaida wasn’t eager to meet any Aedra or Daedra, and would do her best to avoid anything that was remotely linked to them. She didn’t want to end up owing her life, or worse her soul, to them. That was a whole ball of nope and uh-uh that she was not touching, she promised herself here and now. 

It might have be a thought she would have considered if this felt like a dream or illusion, but she knew that it wasn’t. This was very much _real_ and her choices could have very _real_ consequences. Dreams, nightmares and illusions would eventually give away what made them tick. There was no hint of the vision before her slipping away at the seams, no frayed edge that she tug and have it unravel before her very eyes and spin her back into reality. She wished that wasn’t so, but she couldn’t deny how this was real. 

Before she could completely fall down the rabbit hole of fear that had become her mind, Ralof spoke again. “I have only told Gerdur the barest of truths about what happened at Helgen. It still seems so fantastical and unbelievable that a real fire breathing dragon swooped down from the skies,” the blond Nord commented, his voice very quiet and severe. His brow was knitted together and a frown touched the corners of his mouth. “Her husband Hod and son Frodnar are set to return from Whiterun soon so I plan on telling them everything then.” 

Kaida surveyed him with a critical glance. It can’t be an easy truth to swallow, knowing that the world just became even more dangerous. Skyrim was already full of dangers and darkness before the Civil War engulfed the nation and now beasts that could level entire towns would soon fill up the sky. Gnawing on her lower lip, she couldn’t help but wonder where she fit into the grand scheme of things. Skyrim was so different in the way of living and everyday things to Earth that it would be a severe culture shock and hard for her to adjust to the change. But she was going to have to, wasn’t she? It didn’t seem like she was going to get a magical ticket out of this place, or a refund on whatever magical bullshit that landed her here in the first place. 

Another person came down the staircase. The busty blond woman dressed in a simple grey gown, that was tattered at the end of the skirt with dirt and mud splattered over it. This was a woman who toiled as much as she did in the household as she did out in the lumber mill, and could be none other than Gerdur. If her presence in the house hadn’t indicated that, her features certainly would have. She and Ralof looked very similar, the same shape of nose and eyes along with the same shade of wispy blond hair. Kaida would be they are fraternal twins if she had the money to do so. 

Gerdur smiled, faintly. “So sleeping beauty is finally awake. We were starting to get worried.” 

Kaida was bemused as to why. It must have had something to do with her helping Ralof, what little help she had to offer in the escape from Helgen. A matter of honor and debt, Kaida surmised as she scratched the nape of her neck feeling suddenly self-conscious underneath both of their gazes. _How much of the truth had Ralof revealed? The barest of truths, is what he said but did that include any hint of my knowledge of the future?_ She bit the inside of her cheek to fight the impulse to question the two. She had a feeling the pair would be far too shrewd to be fooled by her subtle inquiries, and she didn’t quite want to poke a potential hornet’s nest when her future still seemed so completely uncertain. 

_Right this second I would rather focus on where I can bathe and what the equivalent to a toothbrush is,_ Kaida thought, her fingertips playing with the frayed edge of the blanket. Those were small goals and simply to accomplish. It was best to learn to crawl before running face first into the unknown. It all sounded so reasonable in her head, but she couldn’t help the flash of fear that coiled through like a spring that would bounce back, knocking her off balance at any given second. 

She couldn’t deny how fucked up this all was. The dying and even being here, it was messing with her mentally and she could feel the breakdown crumbling the edges of her sanity slowly. It would strike out and hit her at the worst possible moment, like her panic attacks always did. It would probably happened when her momentary acceptances of her current situation wore of and the scary reality of monsters, and dragons, all came back to stare her right in the face but for now she would cling to her small blissful ignorance as best she could. 

_Avoidance,_ her common sense came from the refuge of the back of her mind. _How utterly heathly._ Ignoring it with a passion, Kaida returned her focus to the woman who came to stand beside Ralof. “Thank you…for helping me,” Kaida said, with a half-hearted smile. 

“It was no trouble. Any friend of Ralof’s is a friend of mine,” Gerdur replied, sincerely. “Ralof told me how you helped him escape the Imperials. There are not a lot of people with the bravery to do that in these dark times.” 

Kaida glanced at Ralof out of the corner of her eye. “Well, I don’t know how much help I really was, but I appreciate the sentiment nonetheless,” she stated, very careful with her words. She wasn’t really fond of the possibility of being drawn into this war. She didn’t like both sides for a number of reasons, the Imperials and Stormcloaks so set in their ways and decided they knew what was best making it impossible to compromise. It was the people inside of Skyrim that suffered for that and that didn’t settle well with her at all. 

The sound of the door opening upstairs halted all conversation, and a loud gruff voiced called out, “Gerdur?” 

“Down here, Hod,” Gerdur replied. 

Hod was a tall, broad shoulder man with his long blond hair tied back out of his face. He had deep set eyes set over his hooded eyes, and early signs of aging written into his face by stress and a hard life. His white tunic was stained with sweat and dirt and bits of woods. Trailing behind him was a young boy that couldn’t be more than eight years old, with short golden hair and wide blue eyes. His eyes lit up with pure joy when he spotted his uncle. “Uncle Ralof! You’re back!” 

Kaida felt a pang hit her heart watching the little boy let out peals of laughter as he launched himself across the floor towards Ralof in the blink of an eye. When was the last time she had seen her family? Her father had passed away several years ago and her relationship with her mother had always been tenuous at best. After the funeral, the phone calls and letters had become less and less until all contact stopped. She wasn’t sure who stopped trying first, her or her mother, but it was a regret that lingered with her. Kaida supposed the truth at that time had been too painful and too big of a betrayal for both of them to accept. 

“Whoa there!” Ralof chortled, catching his nephew in his arms. He drew the young boy close, with a happiness overtook him and his eyes grew misty. “By Talos, you’ve sprung up like a weed! Where has the time gone that I see a see half grown man where a babe once stood?” He reached up to ruffle his nephew’s hair and released him from the embrace. “It won’t be long before you’ll be joining the fight yourself and making your ancestors proud.” 

Her eyes widened, jaw went slack as a stark look of disbelief coloring her features. The boy wasn’t even ten, and that was far from fully grown. Just what age did Skyrim consider a person an adult? Her stomach curdled at the thought and she pressed her lips into a thin line. If it was anything like the Dark Ages then it was very young because people didn’t live very long. 

“That’s right!” Frodnar smiled, brightly. “Don’t worry, Uncle Ralof. Once I get strong enough, I won’t let any soldiers sneak up on you. Wait, who is she?” His eyes fell on Kaida who just sat there patiently and silent. 

“A friend of mine,” Ralof answered. “Her name is Kaida.” 

“What kind of name is Kaida?” Frodnar wrinkled his nose. 

“My kind of name,” Kaida quipped back, unoffended by his question. If anything, the child’s blunt honest was something normal and familiar in a way that made her laugh lightly. She remembered being just as impertinent and direct when she was around his age. 

Frodnar frowned, looking very deep in thought and so serious for a child. “Is she your intended, or something? Neither of you are wearing the amulet of Maru,” the little boy said, seemingly baffled. 

Kaida choked on a laugh, surprised by the question. She had to look away from Ralof who had the most gob smacked expression on his face, in order to stifle the inappropriate laughter that threatened to tumble up her throat. Her shoulders shook, and she hid a smile behind her hand. 

“Frodnar!” Gerdur groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

“What?” Frodnar asked. “Why else would he bring a girl to meet us?” 

“That’s not…that’s not what this is,” Ralof cleared his throat, a tint of red stained his cheeks. He scratched the scruff at his chin and shifted in his seat, almost nervously. “She is a comrade, nothing more.” 

“She doesn’t look like a Stormcloak,” Hod said, folding his burly arms over his chest. He eyed her with a heavy amount of suspicion and distrust as Nords were wont to do with outsiders and strangers. “She doesn’t have the build of a warrior, more the look of a tavern wench.” 

Before Kaida could even say anything, Ralof spoke up in her defense. “She’s proven her skill and courage, Hod,” he responded, with a forthright and candid tone. “She helped aid me in a dire situation when she could have easily done nothing. She has my complete trust.” 

Her blue eyes jerked towards the Nord, startled by his proclamation. “That’s…a great deal of trust to place in the hands of a virtual stranger,” she spoke, very softly. A discerning gleam in her gaze because she wasn’t sure how to entirely feel about his defense of her character. There was a tremor of gratitude inside of her, but it was outweighed by the trepidation that slithered deviously through her heart. _What was the cost of such trust?_ Her more pessimistic side whispered. 

With her mouth set in a straight line, Gerdur placed a hand on her son’s shoulder. “Frodnar, go get cleaned up. We’ll be having supper soon,” Gerdur ordered, her tone was light yet carried a weight of authority that couldn’t be ignored. It was obvious who wielded the power over the household. 

“Aw, momma, I want to spend time with Uncle Ralof,” Frodnar whined, petulantly. 

“Do as your mother says, Frodnar,” Hod said, with a stern-faced glance. 

“Fine,” Frodnar sighed, giving his parents one last sulky look before he stomped up the stairs. 

Gerdur turned towards her brother once she was absolutely sure that her son wasn’t eavesdropping on the conversation. Her jaw is set tight while her acute gaze roamed over the pair of them as if she looked hard enough the answers would be laid bare. “Now, Ralof, what’s going on? You arrive on my doorstep looking paler than a ghost with a woman who on the verge of death,” the woman said, her carefully put together composure cracked ever so slightly, allowing a hint of the frustration and fear that she felt to shine through. “We heard rumors that Ulfric had been captured…” 

“The news you heard about Ulfric was true. The Imperials ambushed us outside Darkwater Crossing like they knew exactly where we’d be,” Ralof answered, through clenched teeth. A flush of anger colored his cheeks and his eyes flashed dangerously. He harbored a dark hatred towards whomever the traitor that had betrayed their cause. “That was…four days ago, now. We stopped in Helgen two days ago, and I thought was all over. Had us lined up to the headman’s block and ready to start chopping.” 

“The cowards,” Gerdur scowled. 

Ralof nodded, sharply. “They wouldn’t dare give Ulfric a fair trial. The bastards want to make this go away quietly, so they don’t have to face what the Empire is doing to Skyrim. Treason, for fighting for your own people!” The Nord tunneled his fingers through his hair, and the muscles of his neck were corded tight, the veins throbbing. “All of Skyrim would have seen the truth then. But then out of nowhere a dragon attacked…” 

Hod spine stiffened, his eyes widen a fraction and a huff of air escaped him that tousled his mustache lightly. Gerdur blanched with shock, a hand flying up to her chest as if to keep her heart in place. “You can’t mean…a real live…” The woman choked on the words like they were rocks, and the column of her throat bobbed harshly. 

Kaida stared at the pair with a sympathetic gaze. It was a bitter pill, the realization that world was more dangerous than first thought. It was a choking and corrosive feeling, and nothing was worse than being forced to stare it straight in the eye and having to acknowledge it. She had experience with it many times over, even before she came to Skyrim. Life was hardly ever just sunshine and rainbows, on Earth or Tamriel. “It is true as unbelievable as it sounds. The dragon caught…” Her eyes flickered to Ralof for the briefest of seconds before she continued. “Everyone off guard. It was completely chaos. It was a mad scramble for survival, there was no staying and fighting that thing.” 

Ralof didn’t contradict her statement, though she could see the statement rise up to the tip of his tongue before he thought better of it. “In the confusion, we managed to slip away. I can’t believe that we are the only ones that have passed through Riverwood,” he said, despairingly. “I only hope that more of my comrades found a way out.” 

“Sigrid…the old bat swore to Divines that she saw a dragon,” Gerdur whispered out, sitting down feebly onto the nearby cot. Her lips trembled with fear and a sheen of tears glistened in her eyes. “I thought her senile and dismissed it without thought. By the Divine, a dragon that can destroy an entire town. What are we going to do? Riverwood is not a fortress like Helgen, it would take only a minute for a fire breathing terror to turn to ashes.” 

Kaida felt a shiver rush down her spine, knowing that the only way to stop a dragon—the only true way was for the Dragonborn to kill it and devour its soul. Everything kept leading her thoughts back to that, to that single fear that managed to leave her feeling of ice and death. It was a struggle to find her voice, but somehow, the steady sound came out of her mouth. “Perhaps, Jarl Balgruuf could help? Riverwood is after all underneath Whiterun’s rule, so it makes seeing to its protection his responsibility.” 

“Yes,” Gerdur nodded, weakly. “Yes, it is. I’ll have to gather the town’s council and convince them to petition for aid from Whiterun, but it must be done. We are so close to Helgen, and if that dragon were to return…” 

Hod wrapped a gentle arm around his wife, pressing a kiss along her brow. “Let’s not borrow trouble, Gerdur,” he murmured, quietly. He brushed a loose strand of her hair out of her face, and cupped her jaw with his palm. “We’ll see what the council decides and then we will go from there.” 

Gerdur placed her hand on top of his, and rested her forehead against his. “Alright,” she agreed, silently. “We’ll wait and see.” 

_I don’t think that I have that luxury,_ Kaida felt the sentence hang off the tip of her tongue, but she swallowed it down deftly. The conversation winded down, until each individual left to go upstairs for supper and she was left in the bed to rest. No such rest would be found, her thoughts too far deep in the yawning chasm that stretched out before her now filled with so many possibilities—each more terrifying than the last. She didn’t know when she fell asleep, but her nightmares were full of black wings and fire that chased her as she tried to run so far away. 

* * *

The wind rustled the leaves across the ground with a light hiss, and brought along the faint scent of poppies and wild lavender from the nearby woods. Kaida was at loss of what do from here, her entire life coming to a standstill here in Riverwood. She had attempted—key word, attempted—to cut up some firewood for spare cash, but her body was now in the condition for manual labor. The look of stern disappointment that Gerdur had given her when she found Kaida laboring away and near out of breath, just made the Earth girl recall the great many lectures she had been given by her mother. She had thought about using one of the health potions she had salvaged from Helgen, but she decided against it in the end. 

Her body didn’t feel like she was in dire need of it. Also, she had no idea how often she would find health potions or be able to afford them. She supposed she could try her hand and making them, but she would have to learn what ingredients she needed. She never paid that much attention to Alchemy, just threw stuff together and hoped it made something. Notching an arrow back on her bow, Kaida winced when a dull pain flared up in her shoulder—the shoulder she had popped out of place, it still didn’t feel a hundred percent. 

She wasn’t sure if it was possible for her to feel a hundred percent anymore given. 

She released a slow breath through her nose, clenched her teeth together and forced her hand on the grip of the bow. The arrow trembled, the strength to pull the string back one that made her aware of how her body had been pushed to its limits back in Helgen. The familiarity of archery was a bit of anchor, the motions gave her something to focus on so she didn’t start sobbing and screaming. It felt like she was teetering on the edge of madness, clinging to the slippery slope that was reason and unable to draw a single breath. 

Nightmares had plagued her over the last week, a week that trickled by at a snail’s pace. She was functioning on mere hours of sleep and a non-existent appetite, barely managing to function. She felt like she had been shattered, and instead of glue, she had only taped holding everything together. Taking aim at the makeshift targets that the guards trained on that Kaida was borrowing since everyone had been on high alert since Ulfric’s escape and rumors of the dragon, she released the arrow. It cut through the air swiftly and slammed into the human shaped target where the right lung would be. 

Her stomach seethed, knowing there was a possibility that one day her target wouldn’t be made out of straw. She carried the weight of the people who she killed in Helgen. She wasn’t a born killer, it didn’t come naturally to her as breathing. It was bitter and painful, like choking on hot coals. Even though she knew she had every right to defend herself, she couldn’t escape that feeling of wrongness. It had been so easy, so instinctual to choose her life in the heat of battle over another person’s and that had taken something from her. 

A little bit of innocence she had left. She didn’t have a lot of that left. Her parents had been good parents, maybe a little less emotionally there for her than other parents so she didn’t have a horrible childhood. That didn’t stop darkness from coming to her doorstep in other ways, under the guise of friendship and trust. Kaida known what it was like to be hurt, knew what it was like to experience pain, but there had been something inside of her that had been untouched by that ugliness. It didn’t feel like that anymore because those times when she had been in pain, it hadn’t been her choice. 

In Helgen, that had been her choice. She chose to take those lives, and she couldn’t take that back. 

Would she, if she could? The Imperials wouldn’t have stopped fighting, not even with the sky falling down on them. If roles had been reversed and she had followed Hadvar instead of Ralof, she had no doubt that the Stormcloaks would have acted the same way when confronted with those in Imperial garb. The world was literally on the fast track to an apocalypse with Alduin, and people were still going to fight and kill each other. Unite didn’t seem to be a term that applied greatly to Skyrim, all the people in power scrambling or plotting for more. There were few people that stood out to her in the game that had good hearts and cared deeply about the people they served. 

Her eyes consciously lifted towards Bleak Fall Barrows, the sight of the ancient tomb jutting up against the horizon like a dark ghost sent a shiver down her spine. She heard snippets of conversations through the streets, the ghastly tales of draugr that slipped into the night fog and stole away naughty children from their beds. A cautionary tale to keep kids in line much like the fairytales spun by the Brothers’ Grimm. But Tamriel was a place where magic and monsters were real, so all the cautionary tales likely held a bit of truth behind them. More than any fairytales on Earth sure did. 

But it wasn’t fairytales that bothered her when she looked up at that accursed place. It was the fact that it was a reminder of her greatest fear: _Was she or was she not the Dragonborn?_ The answer could be found in there. The power brimming in the words carved into the Word Wall, the primal power that reacted to something within the Dragonborn. It was a foolish thought to even allow that seed to be planted in her mind. She wasn’t a warrior, or tomb raider. She didn’t chase after myths or monsters, and she shouldn’t even be contemplating it. 

The psychological scars from all her deaths had yet to hit her with full force, and she really didn’t need to add fuel to that burning fire. Still if she was stuck here and the world was ending, shouldn’t she know if she was the savior meant to take down Alduin? Not that she would accept that title or responsibility gracefully if the answer was a resounding “yes”. Avoidance was an ugly and unhealthy coping mechanism too ingrained in her life at this point to simply accept being a Dragonborn and be happy about it. Call it childish or cowardly, Kaida couldn’t bring it in her to care when her throat was so tight with fear that she could barely breathe. 

She drew another arrow from her quiver, and slowly notched it back along the bow. It punctured the face of the target, splitting the rough linen and a few strands of hay fell out of it. She lowered her bow with a huff, displeased not by the aim of her arrow but the thoughts rolling around in her head. Everything about this place just made her want to turn tail and run. 

She wanted her bed, her books, her ipod with all her music and her stupid little cactus plant named Mr. Prickles which probably would survive lower than she could at the going rate, resets not included. She missed her home and her stupid normal life. She even missed indoor plumbing so greatly that she had seriously considered going to dwarven ruins to check out the pipes and bring Tamriel’s bathing routines out of the Dark Ages just from a week of enduring cold bathes via the river. 

Games and books were safe escapes, a way to get away from stress of daily life. She had never seriously considered being a dragon slayer or some kick ass worse. Well, not since she was a tiny little child. As an adult, a person had to consider reality when setting goals or dreams. This was so beyond anything she ever thought possible, and Kaida wasn’t sure that she would ever be able to fully accept that. With no visible way home, and she wasn’t about to ask any Aedra or Daedra for help because she liked her soul and her life being her own, she supposed that time might prove her wrong and that she would adapt to Skyrim. 

But she couldn’t tell what was in her immediate future, let alone see that far ahead. 

Kaida picked up the quiver off the ground and slung it over her shoulder, she marched down towards the water to fill the waterskin that had been given to her by Hod. It needed to be refilled, so she might as well do it while she was down here. She knelt down towards the babbling brook when a mudcrab pulled itself up out of the mud, startling her so bad that she kicked it on a knee jerk reaction. 

The mudcrab went sailing across the clearing with a high pitched squeal. 

“I’m not sure that mudcrab deserved that,” a voice came from behind her. 

Kaida jumped a foot into the air and whirled around to see Ralof standing there. She took a deep breath, feeling her heart hammering wildly in her chest and swallowed thickly. “Ralof, don’t sneak up on me like that,” she scolded, giving him the stink eye. 

“My apologies,” he chuckled, lightly. 

“What are you doing out here?” She asked, a tad bit curious. “Aren’t you worried about being seen?” 

Ralof let out a quiet breath, the line of his shoulders taut. “I cannot hide away in my sister’s basement forever. I intend to make my way to the nearest Stormcloak Camp,” the Stormcloak divulged, watching her kneel down to the stream and refill the waterskin. The lines around his eyes seemed tight, and the muscles around his nose twitched almost nervously. “I was hoping that you would come with me.” 

“What?” Her head snapped towards him. “Why?” 

“You might not be well trained, but you have potential,” Ralof said, sincere in his compliment. “Your…foresight would also prove invaluable to the cause,” he added, hesitantly like he hadn’t really wanted to tact that on. 

Kaida felt her heart sink into her stomach like a rock. “Ralof, whatever answers you think I have…I don’t,” she spoke, feeling compelled to be honest with him about this. She hadn’t care enough about the civil war storyline for a variety of reason, so she had second hand knowledge of it from spoiler and theory sites that may or may not be reliable. “This…ability of mine is not some all powerful weapon that could help the Stormcloaks win the war. I can’t give you the aid you seem to believe I can.” 

“Perhaps, if you were closer to the war you would be able to see more.” 

“Do you really think the gods would gift us mortals with easy answers?” She countered, the corner of her mouth lifted in a smirk. She brought the water skin up to mouth, taking a sip before she offered to Ralof who declined. “I’m not unsympathetic. I can imagine how alluring the idea of knowing the future can seem, but it’s more of a burden than a gift. What happens if I don’t see the future someone wants, or was hoping for? What if I make things worse by choosing to interfere?” 

“I can see your reasoning and understand your concerns,” Ralof dipped his head in acknowledgment. “But I still think you should consider heading to Windhelm and joining the Stormcloaks. You have a…spirit about you that I don’t see in a lot of warriors nowadays. Skyrim could use more people with fire in their hearts like you.” 

_But what if you use that fire for all the wrong reasons?_ She was tempted to ask, but caught the quelled the question by biting the inside of her cheek sharply. A twinge of guilt flooded through her because Ralof had helped her, receiving nothing in return so it felt horrible to know that she couldn’t heed his request and pay some of his good will back. “Ralof, if my circumstances were different perhaps I would have considered the Stormcloak cause,” Kaida spoke, choosing her words very carefully. “But the reactions from those few soldiers at Helgen, I doubt any reception I would receive at Windhelm would be warm or welcoming. I don’t want to be a tool for Ulfric to use up until it’s dry.” 

That wasn’t just her being dramatic. The fear that word would spread of her foreknowledge had her looking over her shoulder, and she wished she hadn’t been so flippant at Helgen. She had become numb, slightly mad after a few deaths, so she had stopped caring. She had stopped caring in that moment about consequences of the future because she had seemed stuck in a time loop, never moving truly forward that she had considered what would happen when she did. Now, her actions were coming back to bite her. 

“Ulfric is a good man,” Ralof started, his voice soft. 

Kaida cut him off, a sharp look in her eyes. “Even good men do bad things, especially to win or justify wars. It’s not a risk that I…” she trailed off, her expression softening with a sliver of regret and a frown twisted her lips downward. “It’s not a risk that I can take. There is already so much danger, and maybe it’s selfish, but I don’t want to add more on my plate that already is there. I don’t think I can survive the weight of it all.” 

For a few seconds, silence reigned between them with only the noise of their surroundings to break the sudden hush. Kaida stood there, her expression stern and her jaw clenched. Slowly, she dropped her chin and looked away from the man. “I’m sorry,” she said, with quiet regret. “I know that it isn’t the answer you were hoping for. I wish I could go with you whole heartedly and repay you back for all you have done for me, but I—” 

Ralof stared at her for a long, long moment. He seemed disappointed, but not entirely surprised. “I never expected you to actually agree,” he said, with a half-smile. “But for the sake of my home and my people, I had to at the very least ask.” 

Kaida could feel guilt swell up inside of her, tying the waterskin carefully on her belt. She cleared her throat roughly and struggled to contain the emotions that welled up inside of her. Contrary to her behavior, she wasn’t an inherently selfish person. She had the capacity to care greatly, and she always tried to pay back debts she owed. But what Ralof wanted of her, it was something she just couldn’t do. “I wish you well on your travels and your endeavors, Ralof,” she told him, her voice earnest and her lips trembled into a light smile. “If fate is kind, maybe our paths will cross again.” 

“I have faith that they will be just that,” Ralof replied, eyes crinkling as he smiled. 

Ralof departed Riverwood underneath a golden sunset, with his family waving him off with teary eyes expressions while Kaida stood off to the side of the road, feeling as if she had somehow let him down. When he disappeared from plain view down the southern road where he would likely cut east to the Stormcloak camp there, Kaida sighed heavily to herself. 

Where did she go from here? 

And why did she feel like she was living her life on borrowed time? 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> END OF CHAPTER!  
> Author’s Note: Originally this was going to be Five Chapters long, and what occurred at Bleak Falls Barrow was supposed to be a standalone story of its own. Since I lost a lot of my writing I’ve had trouble pushing this story through, so I went back and reevaluated where I wanted to take the story and adjusted things. Hopefully you all will enjoy it, and I apologize if this chapter feels like filler. 
> 
> Please leave kudos and comments.


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